DEAR MEXICAN: I recently relocated from Los Angeles to Las Vegas and am longing for my Mexicans. As you know, in Los Angeles, it is easy to find amazing Chicanas; whenever I wanted to meet beautiful, intelligent Mexican ladies, I would head to Main Street in Alhambra on any Thursday night and be in utter heaven. But I have not been able to get my bearings in Vegas. Do you have any insight into the Mexican social scene here, or can you offer some advice on where I should look? I would also be interested in learning some history about Mexicans in Las Vegas generally, as well as their current status out here.
Buscando a Mis Chicanas Desiertos
DEAR POCHO: My cousin Raymond moved to Vegas from La Puente about 20 years ago to find the good life, so you're not looking hard enough. And once the Raiders relocate there, you'll have your share of silver and heinas forever more. But the Mexican only goes to Vegas every summer to speak at the Latino Youth Leadership Conference (which takes young raza and forges them into future leaders), so I'm not the right hombre to answer your pregunta. So I forwarded it to the homie that first invited me, Edgar Flores, who has been a state assemblyman for Nevada's 28th District since 2014—BOOM. Take it away, Assembly-chingón!
"More than 30 percent of the Vegas population is Latino/a—I'm guessing you're spending too much time in Summerlin or Anthem and not enough in North and East Vegas if you don't see beauties wrapped in bronze skin," Flores writes. "The Clark County School District is nearly 50 percent Latino. . . . Seriously, vato, where you been looking? Whole Foods? Also, Vegas residents are so tired of the LA takeover, so they keep all their spots hidden, but I got the info on their 'hideouts.' If you're looking for a quickie, hit up Blue Martin on Thursdays, Firefly on Fridays or Señor Frogs on Saturdays—at all three spots, locals get down to spiced-up music. If you're trying to keep it straight paisa, then weekends at the Broadacres Marketplace is your spot: Listen to live banda and norteño music, buy some tools, eat mariscos, or open a small business—it's all there. Seriously, it's all there! Intellectual Chicanas are either kicking ass in their professions or at UNLV, which in 2012 was designated a Hispanic Serving Institution. You'll see so many mujeres with a book you'll think you are at your abuelita's house on a Sunday morning during her comadre bible readings. Good luck, perdido!"
Gracias, Assembly-chingón Flores! And raza: He's one of the good ones. Let's help get him to higher office, ¿qué no?
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DEAR MEXICAN: Why is it that Mexicans pile into the front seat of a truck even when there is a back seat? I have seen this many times, and I don't understand why they can't open the back door and sit back there. Do they enjoy sitting so close together? Is that why they also stand so close to you in lines at the grocery store?
Backseat I Take Cuz He Echoed "Shotgun"
DEAR BITCHES: The familia that smushes into the front seat of a 1979 Ford F-150 Supercab together reconquistas the United States together.