It's my dick in a box, I mean, a look at the week past and what we learned for it.
MARCH 3: Kristen Wiig and host Lindsay Lohan appear in a hilarious Saturday Night Live skit mixing two iconic local entities: The Real Housewives of Orange County and The Unreal Princesses of Disneyland. "Weekend Update" anchorman Seth Meyers also jokes about a couple who visited Disney theme parks on both coasts. What We Learned: Lohan won't be in Herbie Fully Loaded II.
MARCH 4: Calvary Chapel founder Chuck Smith wraps up the 2012 SoCal Prophecy Conference in Chino Hills with smiling sermonizing about war in the Middle East, a global nuclear holocaust and the end of the world. What We Learned: Chuck Smith 2012 is so derivative of Chuck Smith 1976.
MARCH 5: Mark Moen, the former Lake Forest dispensary owner who appeared on a Weekly cover as a "marijuana martyr" and some of whose ads in our print edition promoted "free marijuana," cuts a deal that has him pleading guilty to money laundering in exchange for a three-year prison sentence. Due to time served, the defendant who was looking at decades behind bars only now must serve probation. What We Learned: No, ahem, herbal remedies as Christmas bonuses this December.
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MARCH 6: The family of Camp Pendleton Marine Sgt. Manuel Loggins, who was fatally shot by an Orange County sheriff's deputy in San Clemente, files a claim against the county with the Board of Supervisors, the first step before a lawsuit. Sheriff Sandra Hutchens later urges the public to be patient pending a district attorney investigation into the officer-involved shooting. What We Learned: To wonder what footage was captured on the deputies' dashboard cameras and to doubt it will see the light of day as evidence if it's damning to cops.
MARCH 7: A man is arrested at his Los Angeles apartment for allegedly having smuggled from South Korea 40,000 phony boner pills, the majority being fake Viagra, the blue pills that have helped make Irvine-based Pfizer one of the world's leading pharmaceutical companies. The 71-year-old is said to have had the pills stuffed in a golf bag customs intercepted at LAX in February. The previous month, a 40-year-old Korean was detained for allegedly trying to smuggle 63.3 pounds of the Cialis chemical compound through LAX. What We Learned: Hundreds of potential buyers are walking with limps today.
MARCH 8: The feds raid yet another Costa Mesa pot dispensary, and the Obama administration's war on medical marijuana continues. What We Learned: No, ahem, fortified chocolate eggs in the Easter basket this year.
MARCH 9: A California Highway Patrol officer from the Westminster office is arraigned on charges of possessing a doctor's prescription forms and using them to take paid time off when she wasn't really sick. Deborah Sparso, 46, of Anaheim Hills, sometimes serves as a CHP spokeswoman. What We Learned: Ponch would never pull that shit.