M-I-C . . . See you in the paint . . . K-E-Y . . . Why? Because we OWN you!
M-I-C . . . See you in the paint . . . K-E-Y . . . Why? Because we OWN you!
Photo by Andrew Youssef

What If You Threw a Lakers Parade and Only Kobe Showed Up?

Disneyland Resort media types had said it would be Kobe Bryant and other unnamed Lakers visiting the Anaheim theme park today for a victory parade down Main Street USA. But just like the name on the MVP award, Bryant was the only Laker to be found.

Now, there could be a lot of reasons for this. Many players live out of town--heck--out of state--hell's bells--out of the country. Prior commitments, fear of freeway traffic and family obligations ("I've had these rugrats all season; here, you take 'em!") often get in the way.

Or could it have been something else. This was Bryant's first championship trophy sans Shaq. He has proven to all his detractors that he is indeed as great as the Jordanesque hype. He was all alone on the stage with Conan on The Tonight Show Wednesday night. Thinking conspiratorially--of course, naturally, that's what we in the media are paid to do--could the Kobester believe in that God-touched head that he did this alone and, thus, deserves the Main Street USA adulation alone?
Oh, who gives a fuck. Just go win another ring, 24! Win as many as the number on your jersey.

Speaking of 24 jerseys, anyone get a load of the fat messes stretching out XXXL Lakers 24 Kobe Bryant jerseys during Wednesday's LA parade? You could fit, like, 12 Kobes in those guy's gold mesh tents. Or six Shaqs!

Finally, to counter-balance those awful notions I raised above (in total jest, mind you; please approve my 2010 credentials, Staples Center!), there is this opinion of the Disneyland parade from photographer Andrew Youssef:

"It was a blast! I was grinning the whole time. They gave us comp tickets and a $15 food voucher. If I had a recorder or video, I could have even interviewed Kobe for 2 mins (hence the close up pics)!!! It was really low profile in that only the hardcore fans knew what was going on. So it wasn't super bonkers."

I apologize for that stupid conspiracy theory. Obviously, it was the hardcore fans who conspired to keep Fish, Pau, L.O., The Machine and Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuke away to keep this whole deal from reaching super-bonkers status. My bad.

Please enjoy Youssef's slideshow. Toast the champs. Then get hungry for next year.


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