We'll Return Missing Menorah Once We Figure Out Where It Is

The Orange County Register reports that thieves have stolen a 6-foot-tall menorah from Orange's famous traffic circle, and city officials surmise it was lifted for its recycling value.

Not quite, Columbo.

Through this Police-Issue Timepiece's extraordinary powers of sleuthing, we have concluded peeved Santa Clarita Valleyites made off with the Hanukkah symbol.

See, The Signal community weekly newspaper reports that some locals of the Jewish persuasion (who knew?) are upset the Stevenson Ranch Homeowners Association's holiday display does not include an outdoor menorah. Obviously, the HOA informed the Jewish people to put up -- a menorah -- or shut up, but they were clueless as to where one would find a menorah in a place like Stevenson Ranch. It's not like there's a Nate'n Al on Old Road and Steinbeck. So these symbol snatchers shlepped into our fair county, snagged our 6-foot-high golden wonder and high-tailed it back to the Santa Clarita Valley before anyone was the wiser.

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Anyone except us, that is. It's all right there in smeared black and white ink. You're welcome for solving the case, Orange County people of the Jewish persuasion!

We'd go retrieve the outdoor menorah ourselves if we could just figure out where the hell the Santa Clarita Valley is.

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