Bill O'Reilly, Mike Huckabee and other Fox News blowhards yammer on and on about the “War on Christmas” waged by progressives who choke baby Jeebus in the cradle with their “happy holidays” chatter. Some dare call this fear mongering or lefty smearing, but those patriots are right: There is a War on Christmas, at least in Orange County.
It's not being waged in the urban centers, coffeehouses and university student centers as you'd expect. It's raging in some of OC's wealthiest ZIP codes, which just so happen to be filled with the viewers of O'Reilly, Huckabee and the other Fox News blowhards.
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Let's take an out-of-context look at the anecdotal evidence:
Saturday, Dec. 4, 5:19 p.m.: A resident on Hydrangea Street in Ladera
Ranch called to say his front-yard snowman had been stabbed.
Saturday, Dec. 4, 8:44 p.m.: Unknown juvies screwed around with
Christmas decorations on a lawn on Via Arribo in Rancho Santa
Margarita–emphasis on “screwed.” Among the acts of vandalism
was posing two reindeers in a “risqué pose.” Officers arrived to
uncouple the sleigh pullers.
Monday, Dec. 6, 1:30 p.m.: A UPS driver dropping a package off on a porch in the 5600 block of Stardust Drive in Huntington Beach discovered broken glass, a kicked-in front door and noises emanating from inside. He called the cops, who discovered the place had been ransacked. Resident Cathy Wombold, a single mom and kindergarten teacher at Westmont Elementary School in Westminster, later told the Orange County Register that burglars made off with wrapped Christmas presents under the tree containing a tennis racket, an iPod Touch, a Barbie doll house and video games for
Sony Play Station. At least Grinch left the Play-Doh, tennis
balls and O Tannenbaum.
Thursday, Dec. 9, 4:27 p.m.: A man wearing a ski mask and armed with a handgun robbed a Christmas tree lot in the 2300 block of South El Camino Real in San Clemente.
Monday, Dec. 14, 1:49 p.m.: Someone called the cops on her sister's
boyfriend, who thinks he's Santa Claus and was harassing the caller in
the 34800 block of Calle del Sol in Dana Point.
Given this reign of yuletide terror, is it any wonder jolly ol' St. Nick has been seen arguing with himself near Windmill Avenue and Corporate Drive in Rancho Santa Margarita this holiday, er, Christmas season? Progressives would dismiss him as just another crazy homeless dude, but true believers know better.
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.