Too Much Company

Ilustration by Bob AulHey, Dickhead: nice meeting you at the company party last week. Nice to have you introduce me and my girlfriend to your wife. Nice to see you send your wife home early "to relieve the baby sitter." (Nice to have a wife who can't see what the hell's going on!) Nice to have you introduce me to someone I "just have to talk to." Nice to have you leave me with that guy and guide my girlfriend to another part of the restaurant. Nice to see you leaning over her and whispering in her ear. Nice to see you grab her by the arm and guide her outside where the two of you could "hear better." (Nice that you forgot that glass is transparent.) Nice to hear later that you told her she looked "really fine" and that you couldn't understand why she's with a loser like me. Nice to hear that you could "help" her career along if she were really interested in working more closely with you. Really, really nice to have that friend of yours turn around to see what I was staring at so intently: you trying to kiss my girlfriend and my girlfriend pushing you away. Forcibly. Nice to have witnesses there. Nice to know you threatened to make her "pay" if she told anybody you propositioned her. Nice to be able to tell you this: she already has. Now what are you going to do about it?

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/oOC Weekly, P.O. Box 10788, Costa Mesa, CA 92627-0247, or e-mail us at

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