The "Real" Housewives of Orange County

In the most recent episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County, all the ladies get together for some drunk time and gossip at a restaurant. To sum this gathering up in one sentence: Squawk, squawk, Tamra says inappropriate things and Vicki is an annoying bitch, squawk.

In fact, that sentence pretty much sums up the whole episode.

I will explain. See, Vicki wants to sell her house. (The small one - not the big one.) The big one makes her feel more important. Anyway, she lists the house and Tamra, a Realtor who has a client that is interested in the property, decides to bring the client by and make a sale. But the opportunity is disrupted when Tamra decides it would be a smart business move to call her client a cheap asshole. That pretty much describes her lack of an inner monologue.

But wait, it gets better! Later she goes on a double-date-dinner with her husband, Lauri and George (Lauri's man). While having dinner she announces how horny she is, describes how she likes to "go for the balls" and then offers up the details of her husband's vasectomy, thus, successfully embarrassing everyone around her and causing the men to leave the room. The episode rounds out with Tamra getting drunk (again) and freak-dancing with strange men in front of her son and husband.

Meanwhile, Vicki's annoyance factor is put on display while she and Jeana go to housewife workout boot camp. See, Vicki and Jeana are now best friends and in "Vicki world" that means that you are supposed to narc on your best friend as often as possible. Every time Jeana does anything remotely incorrect while working out, Vicki announces it to the teacher.

"Jeana's cheating!" She squawks. "She's cheating the whole time!" Her voice is like nails on a chalk board and her face reminds me of a lemur.

Then, when the instructor (John) makes a surprise house call to rid Vicki's fridge of fatty foods, she tells on Jeana without her even being there to defend herself. She tells John about Jeana eating a cupcake. Then throws in, "Have you raided Jeana's fridge yet? Hers is going to be way worse than mine." Nice job, bitch face.

Luckily, Jeana isn't a stupid bimbo like her friend. After one narc-a-thon at boot camp Jeana snaps back, "I have results so far. You look the same. So I must be doing something right." Hells yeah!

Jeana is an empowered women these days and it shows. Most notably because she has decided to leave her douchebag husband who picks on her all the time. You go girl!

Other than that, the episode consists of Tammy annoying her daughter with advise and then encouraging her to go topless during photo shoot. Nice move mom. Way to raise 'em.

Maybe next week the girls will exercise some common sense.

I know. I have high hopes. But I like to believe that someday the mindless consumerism and inane chatter will cease and these women will decide to maybe, just maybe, not get shit-faced in front of cameras and possibly practice some verbal restraint. We'll see. But I wouldn't bet on it.


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