The "Real" Housewives of Orange County

In this week's episode, cougar Quinn has planned her golf pro boyfriend Billy’s birthday party and, no, her 26-year old back-up boyfriend is not invited.

The party is going along nicely and Quinn is trying really hard to be cute and charming to impress Billy’s friends. But things don’t really work out in that department. You can tell that they are taking a turn for the worse when Billy raises a toast, “Cheers for putting up with me for all these years!” he says. “Yeah I don’t know how you guys did it!” Quinn jokes. No one laughs.

Awkward.

Things get a bit worse from there. Billy is a bit of an asshole. He likes to correct her grammar because he thinks he is smarter than she is. This causes Quinn to not only look unfunny but stupid. She is really striking out.

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But she pulls it together for one last-ditch effort to show Billy’s friends that she cares. She stands and announces that she really likes Billy and that she is happy to be amongst the company. Nice gesture right? I guess not. Billy seems a bit squeamish and his friends all look confused by this. I wonder if they know about the 26-year-old.

Then the story does a quick change over to the OC Energy Drink girls as they go bikini shopping. Lauri’s daughter, Ashley feels uncomfortable about trying on her suit in front of her two male bosses because she can’t find a top that fits her. So her bosses come up with the only logical solution to this problem: just come out in the bottoms. Ewww. The gross factor continues when the men further discuss Ashley’s breasts. “She’s got some big ones,” one guy says.

“The bigger the better,” one of her bosses says.

I feel sleazy.

Anyway, the girls strap on the suits because they are going to hand out drinks in Huntington Beach. While they are driving the Hummer looking for parking, they get pulled over for doing an illegal u-turn and not having license plates.

Because he is good at his job, the cop asks the girls where the plates might be. The girls, being brilliant like they are, proceed to try to talk their way out of a ticket by explaining to the officer that license plates don’t match this car because they “look stupid.”

Then they get a ticket. Hahahaha!

As for the rest of the housewives, because Jeana is a single mama these days Tammy, Tamra, and Vicki decide it would be a fantastic idea to have a ladies outing down in San Diego so that Jeana can scope out some gentlemen. Everything is going just fine on the ride there until a scuffle breaks out because Vicki is a money-hungry loud mouth.

See, Vicki decides that she is going to fight with Jeana about money because its not like she doesn’t have enough of it anyway and its not like Jeana isn’t already feeling like shit. She starts screaming “fuck you!” and shaking her head with anger which makes everyone in the limo feel rather uncomfortable. I hope she falls on her face later.

Anyway once the ladies arrive, they go out to a club and get their drink on. Tamra starts table dancing and then she and Vicki kiss each other.

Jeana lets loose too and announces, “I’m looking for my next husband!” Damn, do the men come running. They are having a blast.

But the next day, after all of the booze has worn off, Jeana is sad again. Apparently her ex-husband had told her that if she ever got married again it would only be for her money. That shit stings because it is probably the truth. Poor Jeana. She is also feeling threatened because Tamra is trying to creep into her territory in the real estate world.

But Tamra manages to fix those worries when she decides to have a dinner with some clients, shows up late and then attempts to explain it away by referring to her breasts as good marketing tools.

Her clients ask her if she could give them Jeana’s phone number. Hooray! Perhaps there is hope after all.


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