The OCeeker kinda likes ye heathen, so he's gonna put it to ya real simple-like: You better get your shit together. There's at least one ship of extraterrestrials headed our way. They're due to land in November.
Now, thankfully for you people, the guru of all things God in Orange County recently got the skinny on how to handle what is basically going to be the end of the world as ye know it, and he got it straight from the mouth of an intergalactic planetary prophet. That's right, ye heathen, the OCeeker spent an hour recently at the Temple of Light Spiritual Awareness Center in Lake Forest, where he got the lowdown on the showdown.
, leader of "The Blending"
, a group of metaphyscial and extraterrestrial practitioners at the center, is a galaxy-renowned E.T./psychic healer who first was visited by aliens at around the tender age of four, and has since astral-projected to several of their ships, once letting an angry E.T. known that if he fucked with him, he would reincarnate into the E.T.'s race, hunt him down and kill him. That's some badassery right there.
A $10 ticket on one of the last Thursdays of time
The center is located in a non-descript office building on Rockfield Boulevard. But like they say about fuglies, it's what's on the inside that counts. The OCeeker was greeted at the door by a kind soul, who promptly asked for $10. What's money when the world is ending?
The OCeeker made his way into a small office, where Jerry, a hoary-headed and gentle soul in the afternoon of his earthly sojourn, sat with three ladies eager to learn more about the new day dawning. For those keeping score, two were white and one was Asian. All nice folks. The OCeeker was the youngest among them, and he'll let ye heathen guestimate his age, but by way of reminder, charm is immune to time.
Anyway, the office smelled of something New Agey, and a large, multi-hued quilt covered one wall. We sat in chairs surrounding a table that had New Agey stones on it. Upon the OCeeker's graceful entry, Jerry matter-o-factly asked:
"Have you ever had an extraterrestrial experience?"
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. Ask any good-lookin' gal in the Golden State and across the fruited plain -- the OCeeker is the extraterrestrial.
Now, the OCeeker ain't bashful when it comes to asking questions, but he has learned over the years that when one sits at the feet of galactic masters, one should keep quiet for a spell and soak in the wisdom of the ancients. Boy howdy, does Jerry know his shit.
He's spent many a moon with all manner of aliens, from the Greys, who are well-known for abducting people, to the Reptillians, who pretty much don't care for humans, and will unleash a beatdown on anyone who crosses them. Reptillians are shape-shifters, and a lot of them work for the government, which explains Obamacare.
Jerry said we are connected to extraterrestrials because we all come from Source, or God. We are equals -- certainly not better than them -- and must overcome our fear of them through understanding their races. The good news is that aliens are not supposed to interfere with human life, but...
Jerry asked a profound question: are we really prepared for extraterrestrial contact? The clear answer is no. Apparently, Earth is going to be evacuated this year. We're not talking Mayan Calendar gobbledygook. We're talking "get the fuck out!"
But there are a couple of things, according to Jerry, that we can do to ready ourselves for the impending visit. First, use manners. Some races have no problem with "taking you out," and no amount of "Christ energy" in you will help, Jerry said.
Think of the galaxy as an OCTA bus. On the way to your cum-stained seat, you accidentally step on a ghetto fella's shoes. Guess what's gonna happen, ye heathen? If there's one thing ghetto fellas don't like, it's steppin' on their shoes. Das dissrespekful, homes. Don't step on a Reptillian's toes, ye heathen. Use diplomacy, Jerry says. Don't be ackin like you all better'en 'em and shit.
The Pick Up Stix prophecy
According to Jerry, we are not prepared for an interplanetary war. The aliens can place biological weapons in our upper atmosphere, so as to not get their hands dirty. The movies have it all wrong, he said.
One lady in the meeting was reminded of what her fortune cookie at Pick Up Stix said: expect the unexpected.
More importantly, we as human beings need to understand our spirits, and harness vibrations of energy, which will enable us to become Christ-like and do the things he did, Jerry said.
"Once you understand who you are spiritually...dealing with extraterrestrials becomes a lot easier," he said.
When asked if he believed Earth will ever join the Federation of Planets, Jerry gave a sobering response.
"I do," he said. "Even if it means we have to destroy ourselves."
When it comes to knowing aliens and sharing his wisdom, the OCeeker gives Jerry five out of five Sigourney Weavers.
The Blending meets on the first and third Thursday each month, from 7 p.m. to 9 .m. at 23832 Rockfield Blvd., Lake Forest, (949) 340-7408; www.theblending.homestead.com