The Messiah Has Returned To Protect Us From Gays, says OC Pastor
1,975 years after being nailed to a cross for our sins, Jesus Christ, son of God, our savior, the Messiah, Lamb and Nazarene, has just worked a miracle in Oregon.
That's the good news being shared by Reverend Wiley Drake, our favorite local gay-bashing Southern Baptist. In one of his relentless, several-times-a-day-emails, Drake tells the Weekly that an Oregon supreme court ruled yesterday that the state's ban on gay marriage is constitutional. You might recall that last week, California's supreme court ruled the opposite, allowing gay couples to apply for marriage certificates as soon as the state ban expires next month.
"One more win for Jesus and the good guys," says Drake. "Praise God, Jesus and the good guys win again." The rest of the email gives a nice history of Oregon's Measure 36, passed by voters in 2004, which outlawed man-man and lady-lady nuptials. Drake doesn't give any details about how exactly Jesus achieved this "victory" nor does he answer the question of why our lord and savior failed to protect us God-fearing folks in California from gay people who want to get hitched.
As Edward G. Robinson once told Charlton Heston, "Where's your Messiah now?"
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter