The Bard of the Gypsy Den Replies to the Democratic Party's Plea for Midterm Money
Ann Marie Habershaw, chief operating officer of the Democratic National Committee, sent out one of those mass emails claiming her party has a plan to do well in the mid-term elections--if the person receiving the message sends back five bucks by tonight.
Little did Habershaw know that the Bard of the Gypsy Den would hit the reply button.
First, to truly appreciate T R Black's response, you have to first read Habershaw's message:
From: Ann Marie Habershaw, Democrats.org
To: T R Black
Subject: I don't send emails
Dear T R,
I'm Ann Marie Habershaw -- and as the chief operating officer here, I know you don't normally hear from me. But this election season, we're putting together one of the most ambitious midterm campaign programs in American political history.
We've never had this much staff on the ground in a non-presidential election, and we're doing everything we can to reach out to the 15 million folks who voted for the first time in 2008 to get them back to the polls this fall.
Such an ambitious program isn't cheap -- we know our Vote 2010 plan will cost at least $50 million. From office space to salaries for field organizers to ads and mail pieces, the expenses all add up.
And, right now, as I'm looking at our budgets and projections, we don't yet have enough.
This Wednesday, June 30th, is the second quarter fundraising deadline for federal elections, and we need to raise $465,000 before then to be confident as we go ahead with our plans.
That's why I'm writing to you today. Can you make a donation of $5 or more by Wednesday at midnight?
Back in 2006, when Democrats took back the House of Representatives, I was there -- working as the COO of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. I saw what a well-oiled campaign machine can accomplish, and I also saw the resources necessary to carry out an effective plan.
And since we took back Congress in 2006 and expanded those majorities in 2008, we've seen the results -- from a Recovery Act that brought our economy back from the brink of disaster to health reform that took 100 years and will cover 32 million Americans.
And now we need to fight for the President's allies up and down the ballot, to protect those gains and keep moving America forward. We've got the plan that will make it happen, but we need your help.
Please make a donation by Wednesday at midnight to move forward.
Thank you so much,
Ann Marie Habershaw
Chief Operating Officer
Democratic National Committee
Cue Black's reply:
Hi Ann Marie,
Thank you for keeping me in mind. As you know, thanks to both major political parties, these are hard times. Since almost everything your party does is wrong and unsustainable, I think you could use someone like me. I performed well in my other fake government job for the Census Bureau in doing my patriotic duty by bringing up the sagging employment stats for the spring report - ever so important in framing the issue for the fall mid-terms. All of my fingerprints are already on file and my papers are in order. Even for Arizona.
So, I really look forward to receiving a job offer from you. Even if it's only helping your candidate for Senate from the great state of South Carolina to read and speak English. Or telling Representative Kucinich and Senator Feingold to shut up and toe the line. I am ready to serve, and most importantly, ready to receive a paycheck and be counted as employed. How hard is it to defeat Confederates, er, Republicans, anyway? When I listen to the rhetoric of Mr. Sessions, Mr. Boehner, and Ms. Palin, etal, it seems that even a caveman could do it. Heck, teabaggers are doing it in the primaries.
I stand ready to work. No job is too small, unimportant or inconsequential. And, I am fully trained in how to correctly fill out the federal daily pay form (D-308). My current benefactors need your help and they need it now. Get me off of their backs and on to the back of the Democratic Party. Since you don't send emails, call today! I am standing by to take your call. I will say what you need to hear.
Your flag-waving, bankrupt comrade,
T R Black
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