The Bard of the Gypsy Den Replies to the Democratic Party's Plea for Midterm Money

Ann Marie
Habershaw, chief
operating officer of the Democratic National
Committee, sent out one of those mass emails claiming her party has a plan to do well in the mid-term elections–if the person receiving the message sends back five bucks by tonight.

Little did Habershaw know that the Bard of the Gypsy Den would hit the reply button.
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First, to truly appreciate T R Black's response, you have to first read Habershaw's message:

From: Ann
Marie Habershaw, Democrats.org
To: T R Black
Subject: I don't send
emails

Dear T R,

I'm Ann Marie Habershaw — and as the chief operating
officer
here, I know you don't normally hear from me. But this
election season, we're putting together one of the most ambitious
midterm campaign programs in American political
history.

We've never had this much staff on the ground in a
non-presidential election, and we're doing everything we can to
reach out to the 15 million folks who voted  for the first time in
2008 to get them back to the polls this  fall.

Such an
ambitious program isn't cheap — we know our Vote 2010 plan
will
cost at least $50 million. From office space to salaries for
field organizers to ads and mail pieces, the expenses all add up.

And, right now, as I'm looking at our budgets and projections, we
don't yet have enough.

This Wednesday, June 30th, is the
second quarter fundraising deadline for federal elections, and we
need to raise $465,000 before then to be confident as we go ahead
with our plans.

That's why I'm writing to you today. Can you make a donation of $5 or more by Wednesday at
midnight?

Back in 2006, when Democrats took back the House of
Representatives, I was there — working as the COO of the
Democratic
Congressional Campaign Committee. I saw what a well-oiled
campaign machine can accomplish, and I also saw the resources
necessary to carry out an effective plan.

And since we
took
back Congress in 2006 and expanded those majorities in 2008,
we've
seen the results — from a Recovery Act that brought our economy
back from the brink of disaster to health reform that took 100
years
and will cover 32 million Americans.

And now we need to
fight
for the President's allies up and down the ballot, to protect
those
gains and keep moving  America forward. We've got the plan
that will make it happen, but we need your help.

Please make a
donation by Wednesday at midnight to move forward.

Thank you so much,

Ann Marie Habershaw
Chief
Operating Officer
Democratic National
Committee

Cue Black's reply:

Hi Ann
Marie,

Thank you for keeping me in mind. As you know, thanks to
both
major political parties, these are hard times. Since almost
everything your
party does is wrong and unsustainable, I think you could use someone
like
me. I performed well in my other fake government job for the Census
Bureau
in doing my patriotic duty by bringing up the sagging employment
stats for
the spring report – ever so important in framing the issue for the
fall
mid-terms. All of my fingerprints are already on file and my papers
are in
order. Even for Arizona.

So, I really
look forward to receiving a job offer from you. Even if it's
only
helping your candidate for Senate from the great state of South
Carolina to
read and speak English. Or telling Representative Kucinich and
Senator
Feingold to shut up and toe the line. I am ready to serve, and most
importantly, ready to receive a paycheck and be counted as
employed.
How hard is it to defeat Confederates, er, Republicans, anyway? When
I
listen to the rhetoric of Mr. Sessions, Mr. Boehner, and Ms. Palin,
etal, it
seems that even a caveman could do it. Heck, teabaggers are doing it
in the
primaries.

I stand ready to work. No job is too small,
unimportant or
inconsequential. And, I am fully trained in how to correctly fill
out the
federal daily pay form (D-308). My current benefactors need your
help and
they need it now. Get me off of their backs and on to the
back of the
Democratic Party. Since you don't send emails, call today! I am
standing by
to take your call. I will say what you need to hear.

Your
flag-waving, bankrupt comrade,

T R
Black