Thank You, Teacher

Illustration by Bob AulYou relentlessly pursued me until I succumbed to your advances. My weakness cost me my wife, my children, 70 percent of my income and most of my earthly possessions. Living on the other 30 percent, you pumped me dry until you got what you wanted sexually and monetarily (how's the E-Class running?). Then you betrayed me, insulted me and . . . and cheated . . . again. And again. I'm a slow learner. And you are dangerous.

I still think of you, especially when I look at our homemade X-rated videos and laugh at the memory of your protruding forehead and the increasingly saggy tattoo on your ass.

Thanks for the education you gave me on life. You did a masterful job of teaching me about deceit.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/oOC Weekly, P.O. Box 10788, Costa Mesa, CA 92627-0247, or e-mail us at

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