Tank Half-Full

Tank Half-Full
Bob Aul

It was another lovely day in the office when I overheard your tirade about gas prices, stock markets and interest rates. It was difficult to ascertain your voice over the sounds of the Black Lips, but after getting closer, I KNEW that whine. I guess your little hybrid is not effective in off-setting the cost of running six air conditioners this summer at your 15,000-square-foot hacienda or maintaining the staff at your vacation waterfront estate. I felt horrible for you, watching the stock market lose precious points in the past weeks. This certainly will cut into the $650,000 in passive interest, dividends and rental receipts you stash away each month. I worry for you. Maybe you can travel by single-engine prop to Europe and refuel in Bermuda. I think the Bermuda Triangle would be a lovely spot for you and the Mrs. We'll pass the hat to help refuel the jet. Better check the tanks yourself; some of your staff suggested filling it halfway.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to letters@ocweekly.com.

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