Super Crass

Illustration by Bob AulTo the little twats who sat beside us in Section S, Row 12, at Radiohead's Sept. 25 concert at the Hollywood Bowl: I was the one glaring at you when you howled for Supergrass to get off the stage. It apparently didn't occur to you that any band Radiohead would pick to open for them might be worth listening to. Since you ruined the Supergrass performance for us, I assumed you would shut up once Radiohead got onstage. But no. You and your girlfriend in the "Where's Waldo?" stripes, who were wetting your pants 20 minutes earlier to see your band play, spent this part of the concert telling people around you to sit down or get off their cell phones while making inane remarks about whatever happened to catch your attention at that precise moment. When you grow up, maybe you'll understand that just because the concert's outside doesn't mean you can't use your inside voices.

This was obviously Your First Concert by Fisher Price™. I'm sorry I spent a couple of hundred bucks on a show I was really looking forward to only to have you and your loud-mouthed girlfriend smell up our section like a fart. But I'm sorrier I didn't get the chance to beat that money out of you before you ran off, no doubt to meet up with your mom for the ride home.

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