Sex: An Introduction

Sex is bad and wrong in every way. It's filthy, impure, and unclean. In fact, break out a thesaurus, 'cause we ain't through. Well, actually, I guess we are. Unfortunately for us and for this great country we call "America," sex also sells our newspapers. Yes, we know they're free. And how do you think they got that way? Because of the smutty smut in the back, that's how! Well, that and the fact that you people have so little to worry about on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs these days, you've now elevated removal of excess hair to the niche formerly occupied by gather food for winter. Should you get that laser treatment? The answer, friend, is "yes!" So here, just in time for Love Day, are many ads from our fine advertisers. (Do be sure to buy some shit, yo!) And in between? Horrifying tales of forbidden love. Forbidden foot love, and hot cousin love, and hot priest love, and more! Enjoy. And then take a shower, you nasty man ho!


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