THURSDAY, MAY 15 ●Unusually slow week in Reggieville. The best action is online—nothing like a gay marriage legalization to send the Reggie’s Nutjob Nation a-spewin’. But there’s plenty of gold in today’s print ish, starting with the front-page list of the rag’s “must-read” stories, one of them being “Duel of the Davids.” That would be a tease of the Page 2 brief penned by poor, poor Peter Larsen on who made the final round of American Idol. A “must-read” story? Really? And if we don’t read it, what exactly are the penalties? Will we be forced to read the gawdawful Mom Blog—or would that qualify as cruel and unusual punishment under the Geneva Protocols?
●Got something for Eugene Fields to do—he of the probing, sure-to-win-a-Pulitzer expose of Orange swinger spot Club Amnesty: consider why, in the massage ads of your paper’s Sports section, an establishment named Physical Therapy would be hawking “young exotic Latinas” and “sexy Cindy.” Now, why would the attractiveness of the nurses—because, y’know, the joint is called Physical Therapy—seem to be such a selling point? Could something more insidious be going on at Physical Therapy? Something involving rock-hard man-parts, perhaps? And hey, Eugene, while you’re at it, find out for us why so many of those massage parlors have grand openings all the time.
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●The Juice after three weeks? Oh, god . . . it’s not just a car crash, it’s a full-on SigAlert pile-up with intestines and brain matter spread out across the freeway. We could quite easily transform this blog into the Juice-O-Meter . . . and we just might, at least a little, after we return from vacation June 7.