Did you really think an email with the headline "Newest Trend in Fashion This Season . . . Ready-To-Wear Breasts" was going to escape the Devil's spawnin', snark-inducin', back-page escortin' Weekly?
Surely, you jest. And stop calling yourself Shirley.
Nope, you could have knocked us over with a feather tickler when we scanned local plastic surgeon Dr. Sid Mirrafati's missive promising, "Women can have READY-TO-WEAR BREASTS in just a few hours."
Oh, do tell more, dear doctor . . .
Mirrafati's "revolutionary new signature procedure" gets women in for safe breast augmentation surgery for a few hours on a Friday and has them--the women and their new racks--back to work by Monday.
Everyone's getting new boobs, the message argues, so women would be foolish not to jump on the luscious lady lumps bandwagon.
"Celebrities Heidi Montag is proud about showing off hers, style icon Victoria Beckham wouldn't be seen without them and we've all heard about Carrie Prejeans and not to mention some Victoria Secret models."
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Yes, those are all solid role models for today's fairer sex.
Mirrafati's Ready-to-Wear Breasts--a.k.a. Hydrodissection Axillary Breast Implant Surgery--utilizes the cutter's own custom designed surgical instruments that allow him to enhance breasts without puncturing tissue, causing significantly less trauma, according to his materials. Besides speeding up the procedure, it speeds up recovery and, enterting the breast through the underarm area, "tell tale scars are eliminated."
"I believe this is the superior method for breast augmentation," vows Mirrafati, which must be comforting to those considering the in-patient procedure at his Mira Aesthetic Medical Spa in Costa Mesa. He claims the Hydrodissection Axillary Breast Implant Surgery has been documented in more than 25 medical and scientific journals and that he is highly in demand to teach it to others.
So, if the cute girl in accounting arrives at work Monday much better endowed than when she left Friday, she probably visited Mira Aesthetic and got herself a pair of Ready-to-Wear Breasts. Either that or a couple puppies have taken up residency under her sweater.