Political Football: Los Angeles Rams vs. Minnesota Vikings

Los Angeles update: The Rams have been a big surprise this year, kind of how it was a big surprise that Roy Moore, Republican senatorial candidate in Alabama, had been accused of sexual misconduct with a 14-year-old girl. Well, a big surprise until two facts came to light, i.e., “Roy Moore” and “Alabama.” Colleagues said it was common knowledge that Moore, a—wait for it—ultra-conservative, evangelical Christian, pursued young girls when he was in his 30s, thinking it unusual back in the late 1970s and early ’80s that he would troll for dates at high-school football games and the local mall, though they now admit that his position as treasurer of the regional Facts of Life fan club was probably a red flag.

Minnesota update: The Vikings are powered by an aggressive defense, just like the defense of Moore, which has ranged from an Alabama state official saying sexual contact with a minor has Biblical precedent—i.e., Mary and Joseph, i.e., Mary and God—to Moore supporter Dottie Finch saying, “Even if they prove to be true, I still would support Roy Moore because I feel as if that happened in the past” (because apparently she isn’t clear on how crime works) to FOX “News” host Sean Hannity attempting to normalize Moore’s behavior with a sympathetic interview so creepy that five sponsors, including coffee giant Keurig, immediately withdrew advertising from the show.

Crackback: Moore supporters/Spencer Gifts devotees responded by calling for a boycott of Keurig by recording themselves destroying their Keurig coffeemakers because they apparently are not clear on how a boycott works, i.e., kids, you can’t boycott something you’ve already bought.

Consensus: Bless their feckless hearts, Alabama Democrats pointed out that Moore’s Democratic opponent fought the KKK as a prosecutor, believing this could sway some voters because apparently Democrats are not clear how Alabama works. Moore is still a three-touchdown favorite. Roll Tide . . . wait—Go Rams!

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