Summer in Orange is bookended by two boisterous, disorderly traditions that occur in the same space: the Chapman University Spring Undie Run and the Orange International Street Fair (Orange Plaza, Chapman Avenue and Glassell Street, 714-633-4816; www.orangestreetfair.org). The former signifies the end of finals and beginning of summer vacation, and the latter is one last blowout during Labor Day Weekend. Since the Undie Run is already behind us (and besides, who reads Penthouse Forum when you can skip to the centerfold? Check out the photo slideshow on our website instead!), let us explore the Street Fair.
It's OC's feigned attempt at multiculturalism that really boils down to an excuse to drink beer and eat brats. While well-meaning, the event is not unlike Irvinites celebrating St. Paddy's Day, tequila shots with salt and lime on Cinco de Mayo, or wearing TARDIS T-shirts. But hey, any local interest in cultures beyond whatever last drops of juice Bravo! is trying to squeeze out of our fair county for its asinine reality shows is a good thing! So we're here to help you deepen your drunken three-day-weekend flirtation with cultural diversity. Behold our multilingual guide to enjoying summer in Orange! Don't say we never taught you anything.
• How to order a draft beer in German (because German street always has the best beer): "Ein Bier, bitte!" Or, if you're anything like the Weekly staff, you're more likely to say, "Ein Bier bitte und danach einen Whisky zum Nachspülen," which translates to our deadline mantra of, "I'll have a beer with a whiskey chaser, please."
• Many houses in Orange are too old to have pools, what with their relatively small back yards. So the closest public body of water is the Hart Park Pool (701 S. Glassell St., 714-744-2225). If you're bold enough to brave this crowded public pool, you'll want to go in equipped with this couplet: "¿Es una barra de Snickers, o es caca?" Or in English, "Is that a Snickers bar, or is that poop?" Jaws wasn't the only movie that made us afraid of the water—Caddyshack did the same shit.
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• The following old Irish adage will come in handy for Orange Circle homeowners, hired event janitors and sorority girls gone sloppy: "Conas is feidir liom a bhaint muisc seo stain?" Or, "How can I remove this vomit stain?"
• Here's how to order the most refreshing summer treat in Orange, the milkshakes from Bruxië (292 N. Glassell St., 714-633-3900; bruxie.com), in Dutch: "Ik wil graag een milkshake." A bit of advice: The easily squeamish should never Google "Dutch milkshake."
• For all those poor Old Towne Orange residents whose houses and lawns get molested for three days out of the year: "Who stole my lawn ornament?" in Italian is "Chi ha rubato la mia decorazione del giardino?" Related: "Che è questo ubriaco figlio svenuto sul mio prato?" (roughly translated, that's "Who is this drunk bitch passed out on my lawn?").
• Finally, the most common phrase uttered by Old Towne Orange residents during Labor Day Weekend, but this time in French: "Baiser cette. Je pars pour le week-end. Vous voir la semaine prochaine." For those who don't parle: "Fuck this. I'm going away for the weekend. See you next week."