Like Gustavo's car, except much, much nicer...
Like Gustavo's car, except much, much nicer...

On Safest-City-In-America Irvine and Its Orwellian Reality

Larry Agran and his acolytes will undoubtedly crow about Irvine getting ranked for the fifth straight year as America's safest big city, and good for them! Irvine is a cool town, with lots of parks, great restaurants, and a multicultural community that sprang up despite the intentions of Irvine Co. head Don Bren. Mayor Sukhee Kang told the press that his city earned the distinction by "planning, leadership, and a partnership between police and the community for the low crime rate," and amen on the last part. Irvine is filled with so many NIMBYers that I now refuse to visit any house or living complex in the city.

Let me explain. A couple of years ago, I bought a 1974 Cadillac Eldorado convertible from Clockwork Coker. Beautiful boat, in good condition--needs a new paint job and some buffing, but still draws jealous glances. One time last year, I paid a visit to a lady friend and stayed overnight. The following day, I found a warning ticket on the Eldo for parking in the same spot more than 72 hours in a row. It happened to me three other times, all because of idiot Irvine...ians? -Ites? -ene? Whatever. They ratted out my Eldo as a public nuisance even though I had only parked it overnight! It wasn't racism on their part but rank classism. Drive a Lexus? You're fine. A classic Mustang? Okay. But navigate a car loved only by African-Americans, Mexicans, and white guys who think they're one or the other? Busted!

Irvine, congratulations on being so safe. But learn that poor people are okay as well some day, m'kay?


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >