OC Weekly 2012 Election Guide: Anaheim!
One in an occasional series on the county's craziest political races...and while we don't endorse candidates, we can sure as hell tell you who's more pendejo than others!
There is no municipal election that will grab more attention this year than Anaheim. This is the city, after all, that burned this past summer, whose officers have been shooting unarmed men for nearly a decade now, who's currently facing a bullshit ACLU lawsuit demanding ward elections for the city council in the name of diversity and now has a pedophile-priest protector apologist smearing opponents of Dark Lord (and former mayor) Curt Pringle, who wants a dirty cop elected to City Council...where where we? Oh, yeah: THE MOUSE IS A LOUSE!
Wait, that's a different issue.
Anyhoo, the races!
This is the one that will determine the future of Anaheim, and probably the last one run in a non-ward race, and I think it's perfectly emblematic of everything that's wrong with Anaheim--essentially, it's a race of clowns save for one amazing candidate that will probably not win because everyone is against him for selfish reasons.
The ticket from hell
New Japan Pro Wrestling - G1 Special In The USA
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Orange County Soccer Club vs. Portland Timbers 2
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Los Angeles Temptation vs. Pittsburgh Rebellion
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Orange County Soccer Club vs. Phoenix Rising FC
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But first, the idiots: the presumed front-runners are current Anaheim Union High School District Trustee Jordan Brandman and former councilwoman Lucille Kring. Brandman is little more than a slimy weenie--he's the ultimate teacher's pet of OC politics, someone who sucks up to Democrats and Republicans alike, and the worst ones, at that: Democratic Party of Orange County chair Frank Barbaro for the Dems, and Pringle for the GOP. He's probably going to get one of the council seats and immediately be a weenie, trying to appear to appease everyone but really just using the seat to bolt to state assembly once his mentor, former mayor Tom Daly (whom we once named one of the weakest people in Orange County--like mentor, like ward!), finishes his presumptive term (he's running this year).
All you need to know about Brandman is that he's willing to be associated with Steve Lodge, the dirty SanTana cop who decided to be Mexican this election and will thusly appear on the ballot as Steve Chavez Lodge. It seems Anaheim voters have picked him out for who he is--a douchebag carpetbagger--and his campaign signs have been defaced like no other local candidate since Tan Nguyen.
Lucille Kring, on the other hand, is opposed to Brandman and the Pringle machine. I remember talking to her back when I was a cub reporter, and she struck me than as level-minded. That was before I discovered she's a Know Nothing who once supported the reprehensible Lupe Moreno--really, Lucille? Her main opponent for the second seat, John Leos, is part-Mexi and says all the right things, but he's a Republican, which means we must question his sanity.
As for the rest of the candidates? No one knows who Linda Linder, Jennifer Rivera, or Rudy Gaona is, and Brian Chuchua, while a nice guy, has no chance. And then we're left with the only city council candidate in all of OC that is truly awesome: Duane Roberts.
Roberts is a longtime Anaheim activist, and the one person who will blast everyone and anyone in the name of political truth. Los Amigos despises him because he once outed their carpetbagging efforts to get a Latino elected to the Anaheim City School District and opposed their pathetic shilling for Mexican multinational Gigante. Republicans hate him for his long campaigns against Pringle and all the other losers the GOP has inflicted on OC over the years. Cops hate him because he's been monitoring their brutalizing ways for years.
So who supports Duane? Anyone who wants the one honest man in Orange County--he's a pinche Unitarian Universalist, for chrissakes. He's proof-positive that calls for diversity in council chambers are bullshit, because said Latino yaktivists would rather want a vendido than this mensch. Although this paper doesn't officially endorse, I will personally tell all 500 or so of my cousins who live in Anaheim to vote for Duane. He'll probably lose, because OC can never vote the right people in office, but any young folks looking to apprentice under a master of raising hell should--it worked for me!
Now, on to the schools:
ANAHEIM CITY SCHOOL DISTRICT
Further proof that ACLU-Los Amigos diversity lawsuit is bullshit: Anaheim City School District is 40% Mexi. One of them is Jose F. Moreno, chair of Los Amigos and a Nativo Lopez fan, which says all you need to know about him (actually, there's more--details to come...). Another is James Derek Vanderbilt, who's running for reelection. But he doesn't fit the right profile for yaktivists, because Jaime (who used to go by James Vanderbilt-Linares, won his election, and dropped the Mexi part) is a Republican. He's obviously a pendejo for that, but him running just proves the hypocrisy of the Los Amigos crowd: it doesn't matter what type of brown-skinned person you are, as long as you're with them. If not? You don't count as a brown person.
One of those good brownies is Al Jabbar, who's running to become the first Arab-American ever elected to an Anaheim office. That'd be cool, but he strikes me as another Democrat tool. Then again, the other options ain't exactly great here: perennial candidate John Santoianna, former board member Jerry Silverman, and some guy named Bob Gardner.
ANAHEIM UNION HIGH SCHOOL DISTRICT
Barely more interesting are the races for the high school board. Running in one election are incumbents Brian O'Neal (meh), and Kathy Smith, who's righteous on some issues (legalizing drugs) and a lunatic on others (Mexicans). Seeking to dethrone them are former trustee Thomas "Hoagy" Holguin, another Mexican whom the ACLU conveniently forgot when whining that Anacrime doesn't have the proper representation. And candidate Gerry Adams is unfortunately NOT the Sinn Fein leader but some nobody.
Another race has Annemarie Randle-Trejo running for a seat to which she was appointed. She should not be reelected judging by her atrocious website, which makes Geocities seem as advanced as the latest World of Warcraft level. Then again, she has an awesome 'fro straight out of Michelle Pfeiffer from Scarface, a hairdo more remarkable on its own than opponents Thomas Peters and Vernon Beckett, who sound more like encyclopedia founders than politicians.
All in all, a pretty pathetic bunch of candidates in Anaheim save for Roberts--and by us writing about him, we've ensured his demise. People power, Anaslime: PEOPLE POWER!!!
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