Notes From The Banana Republic

Turns out that declining student enrollment, administration mismanagement or severe education spending cuts out of Sacramento aren't the causes of Santa Ana Unified's $29.8 million budget deficit after all. It's queers!

On March 23, the school board voted 4-1 on a three-year contract with teachers that will supposedly help stave off massive layoffs in the beleaguered district. One of the few progressive points in the deal—which calls for a four-percent pay cut and the reduction of the school year by two days—is the extension of benefits to domestic partners, a first in Orange County.

The decision came after a nine-hour board meeting marked by such uproarious gay-bashing that one teacher said the gathering seemed to have taken place inside Calvary Chapel. She wasn't too far off. Calvary's head pastor Chuck Smith reportedly alerted parishioners about the domestic-benefits provision and urged them to speak out. And speak out they did: more than 50 people lambasted domestic-partner benefits. Some teachers, such as Madison Elementary's Denise Esparza and Santa Ana High's Ernie Salgado and Emil Barnham, blamed the offering of domestic benefits for cutbacks in the district's art programs.

It was like the Scopes Monkey Trial, but without the erudition. There was scripture-quoting, actual Bible-thumping, crying, reflections on how Jesus saves lives—even a plug for The Passion of the Christ. Following is an extremely truncated synopsis of the night's finest fag-fearing quotes from several speakers: