January 27, 2011 | 1:29pm
The following, ladies and gentlemen, is why one should not do drugs. Or spend too much time in the sun. Or listen to too much hardcore metal. . . . Let's just stick with don't do drugs.
This account came to the Weekly from an eye witness (an Newport Beach Police Department information officer had heard of the incident, but could not yet comment):
A man (we'll call him Harry) was lying face-down on the sand near the 56th Street jetty in Newport Beach this afternoon, wearing headphones and presumably listening to music or a biblical podcast on his iPhone.
Trust us, it gets weirder after the jump.
Either Harry got hot or wanted to try his hand at bodysurfing, so he entered the water--with all his clothes on.
As soon as he got beyond the breakline, things got hostile. Maybe Harry didn't like that surfers were catching all the waves or he had a thing out for dudes wearing wetsuits because he began hassling the surfers in the lineup, threatening them and trying to take their boards. Maybe he just wanted to catch a few waves?
The police were called and quickly detained Harry upon their arrival, placing him in handcuffs. But Harry got angry and weird. (This part is why witnesses believe Harry may have been on drugs, likely PCP.) He broke away from the cops and managed to get out of the handcuffs, ripped off his clothes and ran back toward the water, shouting biblical verses and repeating the phrase, "I am the Lord!"
He did not walk on water upon entering the surf.
Police tried to slow Harry by shooting him with bean bags, but that didn't seem to have any effect. So, out came the Tasers. After being Tazed several times, and with the help of eight cops, Harry was finally subdued. He was once again face-down in the sand, but this time, he was naked. Our witness said he was quite the hairy fellow (hence, the nickname).
Harry was strapped to a board and taken away in the back of a lifeguard truck.
There has not yet been word of any charges or an arrest. We will update and confirm facts as information is released.