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TRIMMING TESTED HERE
Your advice to the cat with the Mexican wife who doesn't shave herself was missing the obvious (Gustavo Arellano, "Ask a Mexican," March 16). If he wants her to shave, he should shave himself. It's called example by leadership. Here's how it works: he shaves himself and trims his bush to maybe an eighth of an inch. She sees how clean he is, how much bigger he looks now, and that he doesn't smell, and he'll not only get more hummers, but she'll figure it will work for her. This tactic has worked for me with at least three girlfriends.
We at Studio 486 in Newport Beach feel that we have been misrepresented in the "Ask a Mexican" column and would like to rectify the matter. We enjoy a good sense of humor as much as the next person, but we feel that our quotes were taken out of context and the verbiage pertaining to a woman's anatomy was manipulated solely by the writer and deemed vulgar by our staff. Studio 486 is an upscale, professional salon offering the best in Brazilian waxing, hair and nails.
An editor responds: Your quotes weren't taken out of context because you weren't quoted saying an objectionable word. You guys are so upstanding that your employee actually referred to the vagina as "down there." It was columnist Gustavo Arellano who used the Spanish word "snatch," and who routinely uses the words "little man in the boat" and "twat," but never the "c" word. Also? You said "rectify."
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I was reading the March 2 Huntington Beach Independent and found this letter from someone named Cindy Cross. I think she's talking about you: "You should leave this kind of mean-spirited, politically motivated 'journalism' to that other foul-mouthed, single-point-of-view giveaway rag that comes out weekly." But don't worry: I still love you!
This is Monster Kara just reacting to Rebecca Schoenkopf's extremely professional and civilized piece (of shit) in OC Weekly ["Careless People," March 16]. First and foremost, I would like to comment on the interview you had with the five beautiful "bitches" of The Real Housewives.I am awestricken that you actually have the gall to complain about Vicki's censorship over Kim, when you turn around and do exactly what Vicki anticipated. You blast the beautiful women of The Real Housewives that—surprise, surprise—have hearts under their silicone breasts that might actually be hurt by seeing that not only are they bitches, but they are fat, ugly, ditzy and fake. You're a real winner. I have you to thank for my mom's extremely high self-confidence.
You're a great writer, however, your nasty little spirit infects your work—if you consider what you have done to these hard-working women's reputations and self-image "work." Kudos on the reference to Gatsby.I recently read The Great Gatsby in my AP composition and language class, and I must say, darling, you're right up there with Fitzgerald! Oh, how nicely classic literature can compare to the lives of five women who happen to make their own money; God forbid they actually spend it! You might have missed that in Gatsby.Daisy and her brute husband had their money wired through their umbilical cords, in sharp contrast to the working women of Coto de Caza. However, I must consider the fact that your little article is filled with fallacies and vulgar that rots your words, due mainly to the fucks, bitches and assholes you pepper throughout the story.
After reading your "honest" article, I have been dying to meet you. You seem like the type of person that makes me the vivacious little firecracker, a.k.a. "Monster," I am. The show was meant to entertain, and I am proud to say I believe it does just that—it got you hollerin', didn't it? As for the Real Children of the Real Housewives,we really can't wait to show you what we're really all about. Among these little monsters are honors students, a nurse-in-training, athletes, computer whizzes and, of course, assholes. Well, newsflash, baby, this time you pissed off the wrong little monster. Enjoy the show!
My plump mother and I send our regards.
"Asshole, monster, Hitler"
Re: Theo Douglas' interview with Paul Frank ["Let Me Be Frank," March 24]: Several years ago, before Paul Frank got super-huge, he used to talk to his fans on instant messenger. I talked to him for, literally, hours. He was fun and super-nice. He gave me a username and password so I could sneak-preview all the Julius and Friends episodes. He sent a "happy birthday" e-mail to my sister on my behalf. He got all excited when I told him my parents were pseudo-farmers, and my sister and I sent him some maple syrup my family made. He introduced me to Friendster and became my first friend on the site. Whether the current owners of Paul Frank Industries want to face it or not, Paul made that company what it is, and the slogan "Paul Frank is your friend" means absolutely nothing without his presence. If you could pass on this note of support to him, I'd really appreciate it.
NO MORE REASON TO BECOME A MORMON
I appreciated reading your latest "Ask a Mexican" [March 24], with the exception of your comment about "Arizona Mormon towns where men have 30 wives." In the interests of education, any member of the Mormon church who practices polygamy or bigamy is immediately excommunicated and no longer considered a member of the church.
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