What in the hell is wrong with Kobe and Vanessa Bryant? One day they are divorcing, the next they are seen sharing smooches. One day she's selling him out of the Newport Coast crash pad he used to own, the next they are breaking bread and acting "coupley" in a Newport Beach cafe. One day a righteous ride from the Black Mamba fleet is parked in front of the Newport Coast main house, the next it's near his Pelican Hill Resort "doghouse." Come on, guys, where are the flying dishes? The very public face slaps? The "accidentally" leaked sex tape?
For such a hip couple, they sure don't know how to pull off a modern, American-style celebrity divorce.
Could they just be an evolved couple who enjoy each other and the family dynamic enough to act like adults despite martial tensions that make living together full-time off the table for now?
Naaaawwww . . .
Our confusion is brought to you today by the letters T, M and Z. Harvey Levin's gossipopulis reported last week on a hot lunch date--with pictures--where "they totally SPLIT A SANDWICH & SOUP COMBO MEAL!!!" (TMZ's emphasis)
Well, hold the goll darn presses!
The hot Tuscan chicken sandwich and presumed not-hot-enough tortilla soup--come on, Maurice, you've got to stir the pot before serving--were served at PDM Bakery and Cafe in Newport Beach last Wednesday.
The Bryants spending an hour "looking and acting very coupley," coupley-d with Vanessa supporting Kobe during the Olympics and attending Lakers pre-season games, propels this TMZ working theory: the divorce she filed for in December is nearly off.
And they lived happily ever . . . uh, check that. Better yet, Starz Uncut it. Five days before the TMZ exclusive, the rival gossip site reported that the Lakers captain is "living alone, and possibly heading for divorce."
The Starz Uncut scoop is based on Bryant being seen "rollin' in his Red Ferrari 458 Italia Spider" to Pelican Hill Resort's Villa Club. He's said to be living in a 2,200-foot villa at the resort while Vanessa sells off his former Newport Coast crash pad(s).
Starz Uncut spins Vanessa's Olympic support differently, claiming she's still steamed by reports Kobe's denied of having an affair with an Australian swimmer. How steamed? The former Vanessa Laine of Huntington Beach is said to have stopped wearing her $4 million wedding band.
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Of course, skin irritation from doing the dishes in the sink can also cause one to take a break from wearing one's wedding . . . uh, check that: she doesn't do dishes.
Whatever the truth is about his relationship with his former bride, Kobe sure has it rough in his villa doghouse. As Starz Uncut notes, "Guests are pampered with both live-in butlers and chefs while they enjoy the most unreal, panoramic ocean views all throughout their stay."
The tortilla soup's nice and hot, too.