Jimmy Pimplemans Guide to an Early Spring Break

Doesn't it feel as if high school will never end? Want to make your spring break longer? Follow these five simple steps, and you, too, will be sent home early:

1) Create an anti-American-sounding group like Students for Democracy Now Radical Coalition.

2) Widely distribute rhetoric on the Internet for a few days. Include veiled references to your local police officers, like "Whatever you do, don't tell the La Habra cops about Students for Democracy Now Radical Coalition."

3) Wait a couple of days for the cops to find your website. If you have a particularly dim local force, have a deep-voiced friend pretend to be a parent who calls the PD and says, "What's with this Students for Democracy Now Radical Coalition crap I found on my daughter's computer?"

4) Once you're sure the cops are reading along, announce a "supersecret" demonstration across the street from your school. Mention that you've invited Long Beach anarchists and Zack de la Rocha's new band.

5) Sit back and let nature take its course. The cops will call the principal, the principal will decide to close the school, and you and your friends are free to re-create favorite Girls Gone Wild moments. Of course, as you'll need girls for that, I can't help you there.

—as told to Matt Coker

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