Is That a Shiv In My Butt?

Illustration by Bob AulNew Orleans update: Home to Mardi Gras, the novel A Confederacy of Dunces,and a couple of hookers who once threatened to cut me and my passed-out friend. Who needs Disneyland?

Minnesota update: A recent survey showed that Minnesota women are paid below the national average, receiving just 73 cents for every dollar earned by men. That means women such as St. Paul school-bus driver Julie Christine Wasmundt have to work and drink harder just to stay behind their male counterparts—counterparts such as the male, St. Paul school-bus driver arrested last month for driving drunk with 40 elementary school students onboard. You can probably bet he makes more than Wasmundt, who went the extra mile—and pint—by getting arrested several weeks ago for not only driving 40 students while she had a blood alcohol level of 0.15 but for also preparing to take on a second load of kids. Ever the conscientious employee, Wasmundt explained that she'd been preparing for work all weekend by drinking heavily during a Vikings game, swilling down "whiskey, beer and everything else." Like Susan B. Anthony, this is a lifelong mission for Wasmundt, who was arrested on an alcohol-related charge in 1994. You go, girl. No, no, not that way!

Road game: A school-bus driver who selfishly drinks while driving students would never be tolerated in New Orleans where buses have long had a strict open-bar policy.

Piling on: Just when Wasmundt thinks she's making some headway, along comes Toby F. Zeno, yet another male, St. Paul school-bus driver arrested for driving students while drunk. Zeno was arrested after he was observed weaving across traffic and, apparently, hitting a truck. Officials at the school Zeno was driving for made it clear that this kind of overindulgence is not acceptable at Higher Ground Academy.

Consensus: Yeah, normally we'd take a Northern team over one from the South. But allow a guy a little sentimentality for two special ladies, their man of leisure Nate, and the shiv they all promised to break off in my ass. Good times. Go Saints!


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