1. You want this Valentine's Day to be extra-special, so this is what you've put together:
A) Dinner at Restaurant 162 at the Ritz-Carlton Laguna Niguel, two tickets to Kings of the Danceat Segerstrom Hall, a single red rose, a keepsake snapshot
B) Dinner at Buca di Beppo in Garden Grove, two tickets to Walk the Line, a single red rose (in cellophane), those old-timey photos at Knott's
C) Dinner at Boston Market in Buena Park, a handful of $2 exacta tickets at Los Al, a single silk rose (with plastic dewdrop), a reprint of the second race's photo finish
D) Snapple bottle, pool cue, cigarette, video camera
2. You're a woman, and when you refer to your body's lovemaking place, you like to call it:
A) Triangle Square
B) Midway City
C) Salt Creek
D) The Wedge
3. You're a man, and when you refer to your body's lovemaking apparatus, you like to call it:
A) The Crystal Cathedral
B) The Balboa Bar
C) Carl's Jr.
D) The Wedge
4. As a die-hard romantic, the OC relationship that you still believe time could have saved is . . .
A) The long, tormented love between Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal
B) The 11-day engagement of Talan Torriero and Kimberly Stewart
C) Whatever was going on between Republican politico Scott Baugh and the handsome youth pastor who was discovered dressed in a towel during a dawn raid on Baugh's home by district attorney's investigators in 1995
D) Mamie Van Doren and the Greatest ?Generation
5. Which of these high school nicknames most reminds you of gay sex?
A) Huntington Beach Oilers
B) Villa Park Spartans
C) Newport Harbor Sailors
D) Mater Dei
6. What is the clearest sign you've got a real OC love life?
A) A weekend in a Lake Arrowhead cabin with the Reverend Paul Crouch—and $425,000 to shut up about it
B) A phone call from Sheriff Mike Carona, who asks to speak to your wife
C) Your last name is "Bren."
7. When it comes to sexual positions, you are a devotee of . . .
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A) The Jan Crouch
B) The Walter Knott
C) The Balboa Ferry
D) The Laguna Beach Greeter