[Hey, You!] Poolside Mammaries

Matt Bors

You were the tits-on-a-stick at the community pool this weekend who accosted my wife, her sisters and our children while they played a game in the water. Your request that they quiet down so that you could enjoy your book made you look super-uptight and, frankly, a little shallow. Sure, they were being loud, but that’s what kids do in the pool. They weren’t being disrespectful in any way or doing anything other than laughing and having a great time. Just for fun, though, I’m going to play your game for a minute. My wife has bigger tits than you. She also has a big ass because the two usually go together. So while you’re parading around with those gigantic silicone orbs tucked into that over-the-shoulder boulder-holder you call a swim top, I have to worry about my 7-year-old girl growing up thinking that’s an ideal body image. Hopefully, this will teach my daughter that perfection has an ugly side.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.


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