[Hey, You!] One Pissed-off English Major

Matt Bors

You are the myopic driver who took out the left side of my car, which was parked in the UC Irvine Medical Center parking structure last Saturday. Sure, compact spaces in that parking structure are narrow, but c’mon, this was no minor miscalculation. You left a 3-feet-long-by-18-inches-wide gash alongside my door and rear panel, causing $1,700 in damages! Didn’t they teach you in school that solids, like automobiles, are immiscible? I imagine the screeching reverberation inside the structure from the impact must have been quite distressing for you, drawing the unwanted attention of onlookers. Oh, and you were so smug masquerading as a responsible and benevolent citizen, presumably leaving your farcical “note” on my windshield before driving off! But your munificence falls short with me; shockingly, your “note” was blank! Last time I checked, you reprobate, hit and run was a crime! Nevertheless, I hope the swath of dark-green paint my car defiantly left on your white bumper serves as a daily reminder of the pusillanimous, quivering coward you really are!


Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.


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