[Hey, You!] Loser 101
You’re the jerk who walked up to my car in a parking lot in Naples. Unfortunately, the window was down. You stole my CD right from the player in my dash. You had no idea what CD it was, if you even liked the artist. It was a pure loser move. I realize there are many more serious injustices in this world, but you are a true, unadulterated loser. Despite my K.T. Tunstall CD being awesome, I hope you hate it. I hope you throw it out your car window and get arrested for littering. If, by some freak of nature, you actually have a girlfriend, I hope she finds it, accuses you of having another girlfriend, and then dumps your lame ass. And oh, by the way, the Laundromat my car was parked in front of has a camera, and you’re on it. So next time I’m fluffing and folding, you are going to have a conversation with my 6-foot-4 boyfriend, you loser.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA ?92701-7417, or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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