Yo, tree-trimmers: Remember that time I said to myself, "Hey, instead of an alarm clock, I'd like to be woken up by a chainsaw"? Oh, right—I NEVER said that. Nor did anyone else. Leaf blowers are bad enough, but which of you decided that at 7 a.m., you should go through my neighborhood, cutting off most of the tree branches with a chainsaw, throwing them into a similarly loud wood chipper, and then finishing off the remaining debris with, yes, leaf blowers? You couldn't maybe wait until lunchtime? Or even, say, 10 a.m.? Listen, I'm looking out for you here. I'm generally a pacifist, but I get irrationally homicidal when unwillingly aroused from slumber by loud noises that go on for hours. Somebody even slightly less nicer than me might one day decide on a new kind of chainsaw massacre. Meanwhile, freakin' warn us the day before so we can all buy earplugs.
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