501 The NO SMOKINGWINK-WINK NUDGE-NUDGE policies of several OC music clubs.
502 If you're feeling foolhardy enough to handle a mixed drink served in an 80-ounce bucket, Sharkeezis the place for you. Just choose a beverage type (Shark Attack, which comes with a little plastic shark filled with "blood," possibly grenadine, is damn nummy) and tell the bartender how many straws you require (minimum two-no solo binging here). 114 McFadden Place, Newport Beach, (949) 673-0292. (Reader Jenn Barnes)
503 Jerkingone out.
504 "What possible reason could Bill Clinton have for surrounding himself with so many gays and pro-gay activists? The question is unsettling." Letter to the Register, July 25, 1994.
505 The broken-bottle vocal stylings of Brea-Olinda High School grad and Metallica geetar man James Hetfield.
507 Wait a minute-didn't Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich attend high school in Orange County?
508 And didn't Lars not only steal Matt Damon's girlfriend, but also marry her?
510 The empanadas-a Central and South American version of a hot apple turnover, only filled with meat and vegetables-at Peruvian Grill Seafood & Pasta. And one only sets you back $3.50. 9606 Hamilton Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 593-3883.
511 Machinesthat think.
512 You might think Ronald Reagan's from here, but he's not.
513 Ditto George Hamilton.
514 Ditto Alexander Hamilton.
515 Ditto Arianna Huffington.
516 Ditto Michael Huffington.
517 Well, you know, Laguna.
518 The Trinity Broadcasting Network, OC's longest-running TV sitcom-that's from here.
519 The straight-ahead jazz offered up seven nights a week at Steamersin Fullerton. 138 W. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 871-8800.
520 Trinity Broadcasting Network: best purveyors of Y2K/end-of-the-world fearmongering.
521 Hurricane's: the best place to hit on drunk porn-star chicks. 200 Main St., Huntington Beach, (714) 374-0500.
523 Aaron Kraten's Midnight Marauders Scooter Clubkeeps the dream alive with rides to county hot spots-clubs, arcades and coffeehouses. Lab, 2930 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 549-1854. Every Thurs., 8:30 p.m.
524 Eating at Din Din at the Bamboo Terrace and having baby zucchinis that look like alienBarbie dolls on a bad hair day with to-die-for black mushrooms. An orgasm in my mouth. 1773 Newport Blvd., Costa Mesa, (714) 645-5550. (Reader Linda Hanchett)
525 She means that in the good way.
526 Rainbow Retreat, a licensed day care for mildly ill children, ages 2 months to 12 years. 9700 Levee Dr., Huntington Beach, (714) 964-7741.
527 Extreme megahotties. (Reader Luis Garcia)
528 He means that in the good way.
529 Silver Cinemas in Rossmoor: cheap admission, cheaper concessions and a cool '70s roller-disco décor. 12343 Seal Beach Blvd., Seal Beach, (562) 594-9411.
530 All the great Costa Mesa bands: Dodge Dart, Smile, the Pressure, the Neil Armstrong Band, Stranger Death 19 . . .
531 Leaving work late, having the 405 to yourself, feeling a bit peckishjust about the time you hit the Westminster Boulevard exit, and remembering there's an In-N-Out right off the freeway.
532 Small women driving gargantuantrucks.
533-592 Each of the 60 current Caltransprojects that make every day a driving adventure.
593West Street Beach, the secluded, breathtaking gay beach in South Laguna.
594 One humble commuter's gratitude: "To Caltrans for its work on the 91 and the 5 and the 55, always giving you a valid excuse for being late to work. No matter where you drive, they are fucking you in the ass." (Reader Matthew Mallard)
595 He means that in . . . actually, we have no idea how he means that.
596 All the sex ads-breast augmentation, etc.-in the family-oriented O.C. Metro.
597 Ditto Orange Coast Magazine.
598 Ditto Orange County Woman.
599 Ditto Coast Magazine.
600 Ditto the Times' great full-page underwearads.
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