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Guilty Pleasures

601 Conversations by OC favorite son Richard Nixon that have come to light recently, such as this phone exchange between the then-president and Attorney General John Mitchell regarding an LA Times report on an immigration raid that nabbed 36 illegal immigrants at a food-processing plant owned by Romana Banuelos, the woman Trickie Dickie had just named U.S. treasurer:

602 Nixon: "The fellow out there in the immigration service is a kike by the name of [George] Rosenberg. He is out. He is to be out. Transfer him to some other place out of Los Angeles. I don't give a goddamn what the story is! He went on television. You put him out for going on television, which is a violation."

603 We don't know what the violation was; Nixon and Mitchell-still dead-were unavailable for comment.

604 The German pancake with lemon, powdered sugar and applesauce at Gustav's Jägerhaus. 2525 E. Ball Rd., Anaheim, (714) 520-9500.

605 Reading the menu at Gustav's Jägerhaus, which includes rabbit, wild boar, elk and deer.

606 The sauerbratenat Gustav's Jägerhaus.

607 When you eat at Gustav's Jägerhaus, your busboy is Asian, one waiter is Latino, and another is Anglo.

608 Gustav is wearing a Hawaiian-print shirt.

609 Is California greator what?

610 No Hurricane Floyd.

611 Very little Pink Floyd.

612 We still like Floyd, the May-

berry barber.

613 "We've a government that controls us from birth until death. Government is very afraid we will someday take our country back. That's why they want to take away our guns." Letter to the Register, Sept. 29, 1999.

614 House of Bibles, where you learn it all-chapter and verse. 123 E. Commonwealth, Fullerton, (714) 992-5051.

615 More cool houses.

617 House of Beepers, not to be confused with House of Bleepers. 1212 S. Bristol St., Santa Ana, (714) 992-5081.

618 House of Cards. Watch it fall like a . . . 3152 E. La Palma Ave., Anaheim, (714) 630-0838.

619 House of Cutleryfor a realsharper image. 8604 On the Mall, Buena Park, (714) 826-7880.

620 House of Flys, which is-surprisingly -somewhere other than my house. 1759 Newport Blvd., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-5919.

621 House of Brews, which is where we're going after we put out this sucker. 16903 Algonquin, Huntington Beach, (714) 377-3893.

622 And our favorite house . . .

623 Dr. Ronald Housepian, the best dentist on the planet, by gum. 2000 Newport Blvd., Costa Mesa, (949) 642-7495.

624 Bolsa Chica Mesa, where great blue herons may be seen having wild sex in the trees before shortsighted developers pave it.

625 "Orange County gangs have killed many more women and children [than mountain lions]. Shouldn't we consider the hunting of gang members?" Letter to the Register, April 10, 1995.

626 Huntington Beach's Omar Hassan has elbow pins, ankle screws and surgery on parts of his knee that sound like a Latin Mass: a dislocation and a tear to his anterior crucia ligament and meniscus. And he's only 25. What kind of future could this guy have? Well, he has already traveled the world and owned his own skateboard company, Formula One. He was also smart enough to get out and skate for someone else, and he wasn't too proud to beg to get on the label he had always wanted to skate for, John Lucero's OC-based Black Label. After sitting on the sidelines for eight months and facing the prospect of never skating again, he tackled physical therapy, trained hard and, three years later, is back on top. He just took first at the pro bowl and 10th in the vert finals, wowing the crowd with channel boardslides at this year's Vans Triple Crown World Championships of Skateboarding. He surfs; snowboards; and skates street, vert, mini ramps, pools and anything else he can find. His body may have been thrashed, but it's dead sexy.

627 Whose ideawas this?

628 Is everybody feeling all right?!

629 Well, all right!

630 The Latin jazz at Steamers Café. 138 W. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 871-8800.

631 The jazz wall of fame at Steamers Café, especially the photos of Chet Baker taken by Bill Claxton.

632 Costa Mesa Super Burgers, the best place to eat gyroswhile your girlfriend shops for a new outfit at the Lab. 2966 Bristol, Costa Mesa, (714) 662-2572.

633 We've never been to a Havana, Cuba, cigar shop, but we've been close: the humidor at Hi-Times Cellars. 250 Ogle St., Costa Mesa, (949) 650-8463.

634 Metropolisdance club . . . oh, yeah: that's gone, too.

635 You're soakingin it.

636 More Nixonchat:

637 Nixon: "With all your other problems, there's one thing that I want done, and I don't want any argument about it. I want you to direct the most trusted person you have in the immigration service that they look over all the activities of the Los Angeles Times-all, underlined. And they are to send their teams in to see whether they are violating the wetback thing. Now let me explain 'cause as a Californian, I know. Everybody in California hires them. There's no law against it because they are there, because-for menial things and so forth. [Then-Times publisher] Otis Chandler: I want him checked with regard to his gardener. I understand he's a wetback. Is that clear?"

 

638 Mitchell: "Yes, sir!"

639 Nixon: "Understand? Do it. Give me a report."

640 Mitchell: "Very well, sir."

641 Nixon: "We're going after the Chandlers, every one, individually, collectively, their income tax. They're starting this week. Every one of those sons of bitches."

642 Dick.

643 Accusations by the apologists at the Richard Nixon Library and Birthplace in Yorba Linda, where spokespeople constantly bemoan excerptssuch as the previous one as being taken "completely out of context."

644 Tammy Wynette couldn't stand by her man any better.

645 Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament, the best place in OC to rip wench-served gamehens apart with your bare mitts while watching Round Table wannabes impale one another on horseback. 7662 Beach Blvd., Buena Park, (714) 521-4740.

646 The world-weary yet sweet voice of Chris Gaffney.

647 Hearing that voice helm Chris Gaffney and the Cold Hard Facts.

648 Context.

649 The Huntington Beach Central Children's Library: flat-out the best of its kind in Southern California.

650 The giant stuffed animalsthat sit atop the shelves at the Huntington Beach Central Children's Library.

651 The shipwreckedvessel that acts as a reading space.

652 The kids who are readingthere.

653 The late Tabby Brock,who gave nearly $400,000 to the library.

654 Tabby's cat, Cricket.

655 "What has 25 years of affirmative action got us? For one thing, a suspicion of minorities in high positions. If you're in a life-threatening situation and need a doctor, better get a white male. You can be sure that he got his position on merit because the deck was stacked against him. He made it in spite of reverse discrimination." Letter to the Register, May 11, 1995.

656 Places named after internal organs.

657 Heh, heh. Placentia. Heh, heh.

658 Mother's in Sunset Beach, where the discriminating bikers meet. 16701 Pacific Coast Hwy., Sunset Beach, (562) 592-2381.

659 Hell, all of Sunset Beach.

660 They've got waaay too many liquorlicenses.

661 La Tiendita, San Clemente. Fifty-cent tacos. 114 Ave. de Victoria, San Clemente, (949) 366-2924.

662 Looking for yourself in the Chance Meetings ads at the back of this paper to see if the guy you smiled at on the gridlocked 405 has been thinking about you.

663 You can check the cash value of your old CDs at SecondSpin.com. Example: my old Clash CDs Give 'Em Enough Rope and Combat Rock are worth $5 each. I'll keep both-love the former, currently using the latter as a $5 coaster. 1781-A Newport Blvd., Costa Mesa, (949) 650-8870.

664 OC's version of Howard Hughes' secret digs: Trinity Broadcasting Network founder Paul Crouch's 8,000-square-foot executive suite within TBN's gaudy world headquarters alongside the 405 freeway. While visitors can stroll the grounds, browse the Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh Gift Shop and watch Jesus come back to life in the Virtual Reality Theater, they cannot set foot in Crouch's third-floor quarters, which occupy half of the top floor of the three-story building. "This makes Hearst Castle look like a doghouse," a carpenter who worked on the suite has reportedly said. The digs allegedly include a wet bar and sauna, a personal gym, meticulously handcrafted black-walnut woodwork, and ornate velvet furniture. Bear St. between the 73 & 405 freeways, Costa Mesa, (714) 832-2950.

665Guilty pleasure? Hauling my skeptical self into the new age Learning Light Foundation for a psychic reading with Una, a woman you've never met, who offers you accurate insights-who else but me knew I'm worried that my parents are going to hate my new boyfriend? -I have absolutely no scientific way of explaining. A guiltier pleasure: I'm going back. 1212 E. Lincoln. Ave., Anaheim, (714) 533-2311.

666 All that is goodand holy.

667Searching San Clemente's beaches for 18.5 minutes of lost tape.

668Finding a quarterinstead.

669Habana's Cubano Caffe, a chocolate-coffee dessert for which we'd gladly spend time on a homemade raft. 2930 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-0176.

670The Laguna Beach Poetry Slam team actually ranks higher nationally every year than either the Angels or the Ducks.

671The Traditional Values Coalition e-mail alerts list. By signing up to receive the TVC's action alerts via e-mail, you can keep your finger on the throbbing pulse of America's homophobesand see the phrase "special protection for homosexuals" used in more ways than you ever thought possible. It's better than a shot of espresso for jolting you awake in the morning. www.traditionalvalues.org.

 

672 Mahler Mania: while legendary conductor Leonard Bernstein should be credited with popularizing the breathtaking music of Czech composer Gustav Mahler in the United States, it was Bernstein's protégé-Carl St. Clair, now conductor for the Pacific Symphony Orchestra-who brought his work to Orange County. (714) 755-5799.

673 Penguins Hooked on Macaronics, the Monday-night outdoor poetry reading hosted by Jaimes Palacio at Darren's Café. Particularly when Palacio shouts "Free beer!" at drunks entering the bar next door. 207 El Camino Real, San Clemente, (949) 361-9092.

674Free kosherpickles on the tables at Arnie's Manhattan Deli. 2831 Bristol, Costa Mesa, (714) 641-9310.

675Laguna Beach City Councilwoman Toni Iseman, seemingly the only Laguna politician gutsy enough to stand up to developers.

676The Sventina, a rare Nordicform of poetry-created entirely by OC Weeklystaffers-in which every third word is the name of a flower and which can only be written after sacking Rome. Poet Robert Wynne debuted the first-ever representative of this form in a reading at Club Mesa.

677"Chrysanthemum petals use Daisies for disguise./Poppies flood the Irises of eyes./Jasmine blushed all Roses jealous red./Hyacinths rule Rome. Tulips are dead./Gladiolas blow each Dandelion into air./Orchids know even Petunias sometimes dare./Carnations cower but Daffodils love light./Flowers die but Birds of Paradise take flight."

678The Fruity Fuck at Tropics. Bartenders at the city's best dive bar pour a shot each of vodka, Malibu rum and house rum; a half-shot of Midori; three fruit juices (cranberry, pineapple and orange); and a squeeze of lime. Tom the bartender says, "Two of these, and brasare on the floor." And that's just the men. Lovely. 1842 W. Commonwealth, Fullerton, (714) 525-1977.

679 Lawyer league basketball in Newport Beach.

680Quaint and crazy Belisle's, the little restaurant with casks the size of ottomans . . . oh, yeah, it's not there anymore.

681Making the 7-mile roundtrip bike rideon the Balboa Peninsula-past Newport and Balboa Pier, returning along the bike path, past the piers, the Balboa Pavilion and the ferry terminal.

682Being enough of a localto know to make the trip any time but during the summer.

683By the way, you can get cited for DUI if you're riding a bike drunk. Don't ask me how I know this. So you'd best reconsider what you're stocking in your bike's water bottle.

684I'm just saying.

685 Hippo Cookies at Dad's-if you've got 1 buck and you're not ashamed to be seen in public chomping on an iced sugar cookie in the shape of a hippo. 318 Marine Ave., Balboa Island, (949) 673-8686.

686You.

687Me.

688Your mother.

689I'm just saying.

690Wimbledon champ and Newport Beach resident Lindsey Davenport, who showed the kind of class pretty much unseen in the women's game these days, thank you very much, Martina Hingis.

691The cramped, tiny Nixon family home at the Richard Nixon Library. Walking through it doesn't make you necessarily like Richard Nixon, but it does help you understand why he became Richard Nixon.

692It's not Orange County, New Jersey.

693Or Orange County, Florida.

694"I wish to add another bit of data for those who wish to arm themselves with a handgun. I recommend that the weapon be a revolver instead of a pistol. The automatic is more complicated and more prone to accidents." Letter to the Register, Feb. 3, 1986.

695Cynics say Mighty Ducks forward Paul Kariya won't last-too little, too fragile for a game dominated by street thugs on skates-but for the moment, we're being treated-right here, right now-to one of the National Hockey League's greatest talents ever. Teemu Selane may be the team sniper, but Kariya has quicker hands and feet. Whether the team performs well is almost irrelevant: Kariya is to the Ducks what Sammy Sosa is to the feckless Chicago Cubs.

696The broken-down Civil War-era cannonnow standing guard over a pond at Irvine Regional Park, its muzzle crammed with candy wrappers and dirt.

697 Unitarian Church of Orange County, which consistently presents thought-provoking programs, whether they be during regular Sunday services or any time throughout the week. For instance, the Democracy Alliance that meets there the first and third Thursdays of the month focuses on such topics as health care, financing, taxes, income and opportunity, education, freedom of the press and media, and influences of special interest groups on your future. 511 S. Harbor Blvd., Anaheim, (714) 758-1050.

698 Eight-tracks still only available at the swap meet.

699Overwhelming majority of readers confused by last reference.

700 Monte Cristo sandwiches at the Blue Bayou restaurant in Disneyland.


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