Ex-Sheriff Carona Walks the Yard (Nervously)

Dream sequence: Mike Carona entertains his fellow inmates.
Dream sequence: Mike Carona entertains his fellow inmates.

Jack Grimshaw, the Weekly's eagle-eyed proofreader, just whipped up this diddy. Imagine disgraced, prison-bound, ex-Sheriff Mike Carona singing the following to his future minimum security federal pen inmates to the tune of Johnny Cash's "I Walk the Line":

I keep a close watch on my cellmate Spike,
I know the kind of ass that he would like,
He wants to ride me like a 10-speed bike,
I need a guard, I walk the yard.

I find it very, very difficult to sleep,
There are guys in here can make a grown man weep,
I'm learning fast that what you sow, you reap,
I need a guard, I walk the yard.

As sure as psychos rule here day and night,
I get nervous when the guards turn out the light,
I may rewrite the meaning of "white flight,"
I need a guard, I walk the yard.

They got their way and put me here inside,
They say I took a fortune and I lied,
Now all my plans are screwed, my prospects fried,
I need a guard, I walk the yard.

I miss that Russian gal, my Debbies too,
While I'm in here my fist will have to do,
Six months from now a bar of soap I'll screw,
I need a guard, I walk the yard.


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