Don't Think Twice, It's All Right [Hey, You!]
You are the needy, neurotic, confusing weirdo I had the misfortune of meeting on OkCupid. You told me you didn't want a girlfriend but wasted three months of my time dumping your insignificant problems on me and sharing uninteresting details of your life with me, going as far as to send me unsolicited pictures (yes, PLURAL) of your cat. Every time I saw you, you made the conversations all about you and showed little to no interest in my life. At one point, I tried to help you with your issues, and you never once said thank you. You also suggested being friends with benefits, but when I tried to take you up on the offer, you went back on it citing your anxiety and claiming you would "ruin" the sex. Good luck with your OCD, depression, anxiety, sexual confusion and all the other things wrong with you that you didn't disclose. You're an endless pit of useless BLEGH.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to email@example.com.
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