Donde Estan Mis Chicas? Hola, Gustavo Arellano!
Schwag like you won't believe: Tres bottles of vodka (promptly drunk after the show with my agent, his assistant and Javier Castellanos of JC Fandango fame). Every flavor of Altoids imaginable. Gift certificate for a fancy shoe store. A six-pack of Shiraz. Hangover pills. Some other shit. A Colbert Report tote bag. And granola bars. All the Today Show gave me was ranch dressing.
Arellano is the hardest surname to pronounce on Earth: Not only did Colbert mispronounce my last name twice, he also had to re-record the opening because he flubbed Arellano. It's OK: I called him a French-Canadian
Colbert is a gentleman: Thanked me thrice for appearing on his show, when I should've vacuumed his house for a year for this opportunity. Met me in the green room. Said, "Gabacho, gringo, gaijin, geek--why do so many names for outsiders begin with the letter G?" To which I added Gustavo. And he laughed
Guestbook of the stars: In the green room was a book filled with previous guest. Christine Ampamour. William Kristol. Frank McCourt. So many distinguised guests. And this wab.
So much more to report--so read the coming cover story on this whole Mexican fame thing in the coming weeks. And as for the patience-pacencia controversy. . . read Ask a Mexican next week, cabrones. Now I'm off to pick weeds.
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