DEAR MEXICAN: What do you think of the affirmative action in the education system? I know the politicians and educators deny this, but we all know it's happening. All the yellow and white kids have to work their asses off to gain admittance in a competitive school such as UCLA or UC Berkeley. With Mexicans, all you've got to do is beat or match the average whitey or chino, and you're there! School officials argue this is to help the minorities reach the top. Well, hello, you wabs are hardly minorities in the U.S. According to recent Census forecasts, you guys will BE the majority in a couple of years! And with the rate at which you guys have sex without birth control, we could be looking at next year!
La China de Garbage Grove
DEAR CHINITA FROM GARDEN GROVE: The Mexican has always opposed race-based affirmative action because studies have long shown gabachos benefit from such programs the most, not racial and ethnic minorities. I favor a class-conscious approach: The son of a third-generation Kentucky coal miner deserves financial aid and opportunities more than some fresa whose family owns agave fields in Los Altos de Jalisco, you know? That said, your complaint is just as racist as you say affirmative action is. It's based on a false premise that Mexicans who benefit from affirmative action somehow don't work as hard as Asian Americans who aren't eligible. And you know this how? You don't. The straw man used by affirmative-action opponents that stupid Mexican and black students are taking college slots away from deserving Asian Americans is Trumpism at its finest—take a "model" minority and use them to bash others. I don't run a university, but my understanding of why administrators want diversity is they want coeds to learn alongside a representation of all America, not just elites and eggheads. So let the undocumented Chicanos who went to a shitty public school and have two parents with grade-school educations in Mexico and work three jobs to barely make rent in a one-bedroom they share with two other families teach your overachieving ass a bit about life—you might be surprised what you learn, if your arrogance allows it.
P.S. Nice of you to assimilate so much into America that you're using the same Yellow Peril bullshit rhetoric gabachos used against the Chinese back in the day—progress!
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DEAR MEXICAN: I'm a gabacho who, by virtue of my Mexican stepfather, has a Mexican last name. Ironically, while my fellow gabachos never bother me about this, I get grief from Mexicans all the time. It usually happens in service situations in which I'm paying with a credit card that reveals my family name. In these cases, Mexican waiters and cashiers will frequently subject me to such indignities as having me produce multiple forms of ID, interrogating me as to my genealogy, or glaring cruelly at my blond-haired, blue-eyed daughter and pointing out the obvious: "She doesn't look like a Mexican!" The way I see it, I'm a perfect example of 21st-century ethnic diversity, but the Mexicans treat me and my beautiful familia like turds floating in their gene pool. ¿Por que? In college, my left-leaning professors had us all convinced that only gabachos were capable of racism and prejudice. I'm starting to think they might have been wrong.
Burrito With Imitation Bean Filling
DEAR GABACHO: Of course Mexicans can be racist—look how we treat Guatemalans. So why are you surprised? Because a leftist professor told you otherwise? Leftist professors also write eloquently and incisively, but you sure didn't pick up on THAT. . . .