DJ Mule Boy
Illustration by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations —changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/oOC Weekly, P.O. Box 10788, Costa Mesa, CA 92627-0247, or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Hey, Mr. DJ: I sat across the table from you last night while you wowed our little company of men and women with tales from your rock-star life. Drinking binges. Anonymous sex. Distant travel. Money. Cars. Recording contracts. Other famous DJs. You'll say I'm just jealous, but let me point out something anyhow: you never once talked about art. And my several questions about your aesthetic only led you to elaborate on your promiscuity, drunkenness and disloyalty. Your art is your artless self. I expect that some women are really knocked over by stories in which you have sex with one woman while thinking of another, but I wanted to retch in the bushes. Here's what's going on in one woman's mind while you're talking: "He's an alcoholic . . . with a drug and sex problem . . . who hates women . . . can't handle money . . . doesn't understand music . . . has the soul of a mule . . . preens like an adolescent girl . . . Oh, hell, he just shook my hand. . . . Time to excuse myself to go wash up in the women's room." What a delightful evening. Thanks for the look into a heart of absolute darkness. It was better than Blair Witch.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Orange County, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.