Tuesday, December 13, 2011 at 4:12 p.m.
Every little girl wants to be a princess, right? Right!
Hell, even some balding, thirty-something Hungarian freelance writers want to be a princess! Why should all the princess love be wasted on little girls?!?
Ahem... but I digress.
Disney unveiled plans this week for Princess Sofia, a new little girl princess character who all, well, little girls will be able to relate to. Learn more about her after the jump.
Yeah, Snow White
are cool and all, but let's be honest: How are little girls really
supposed to relate to those overly adult characters? After all, Snow White gets her period every month, and don't even get Belle started on how much she paid in taxes last year. (Note: Belle is most definitely
a part of the 1%.)
So in an attempt to give little girls (ages 2 to 7) a like-aged princess to relate to, Disney has gone ahead and created Princess Sofia, a purple-gowned kiddie princess.
You know, maybe age isn't the issue (after all, it's nothin' but a number), but rather the fact that all of these characters are princesses. Maybe they should make a new middle-class character who has to push through the cruel and punishing daily grind of childhood, only to come out the other end a bitter and angry teenager who resents everyone and everything around them, only to realize one day that those days were actually the best years of your life and it's all been downhill since then and now all that awaits them is loneliness and heartbreak and death.
But hey, Disney doesn't pay me to work in their marketing department, so whatever.
Princess Sofia will debut in an animated television movie and series, titled "Sofia the First." The story begins when Sofia's mother marries the king of a storybook world, and will then follow the lead character as she does princess-y things. What those things are exactly I have no idea, but I assume it involves a lot of sitting around and doing nothing while others wait on you. You know, a lot like childhood!
Though a Disney creation, Princess Sofia will not have the honor of being an "official" part of the Disney Princess lineup. Whatever that means.
Other princesses will reportedly show up in Princess Sofia's world, though I imagine those scenes will play out something like this:
Cinderella: You know you're not an "official" part of the Disney Princess lineup, right?
Snow White: Yeah. Slut.
"Sleeping Beauty" fairies Fauna, Flora and Merryweather will show up as headmistresses of Sofia's school, Royal Prep.
The movie will debut in fall 2012 and the television show will follow in spring 2013; it is slated to debut on both the Disney Channel and Disney Junior.
Ariel Winter ("Modern Family") will voice Sofia, Sara Ramirez ("Grey's Anatomy") will play her mother Queen Miranda, Wayne Brady ("Let's Make A Deal") will voice a rabbit named Clover, and Tim Gunn ("Project Runway") will portray Baileywick, a Royal Steward.
Make it work, princess bitches!