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You're the new driver for the famed delivery service with the shit-colored trucks who dropped the ball (as opposed to the boxes your company so often drops) by not getting a package I specifically had overnighted to me overnight. It made it as far as the front door of my business at 11:18 a.m. last Friday, and you posted a "Sorry we missed you!" note right next to my business hours, which you could have easily read and realized you were about 45 minutes early. Common sense should dictate that a package sent overnight is probably pretty important, and it was: It was full of merchandise I had been promising to customers for the busy weekend. Instead, I got your note saying the items would arrive on Monday (my day off), a bunch of frustrated customers and a headache from dealing with the equally useless morons at your service center. Thanks, asshole, for costing me hundreds of dollars and reinforcing why your team is known as "The Clowns In Brown."
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to firstname.lastname@example.org.