Believe it or not, Cinco de Drinko was once known as "Cinco de Mayo," which according to my lame ass 1 1/2 years of public school Spanish translates to "Five Mayonnaises," but truth be told it means—get this—May 5th and, even more whack, commemorates Mexico’s 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War.
Damn, after that, I need a drinko this cinco but should I join you degenerates in downing one or ocho Pacificos or agave tequilas—and get ready to say the rosary should I mix 'em—the thing I will not be doing is driving, because that's just a Franco-Mexican War against humanity.
In that spirit, to keep our streets safe, the police departments of Buena Park, Garden Grove and Newport Beach are among the law enforcement agencies that have announced "DUI saturation patrols" tonight. These operations pour extra officers and deputies into patrol cars to watch over roads with histories of drunken/drugged driving arrests, collisions and fatalities.
Buena Park's patrols run from 6 tonight through 4 a.m., while the other agencies did not indicate the times of their operations.
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So ... SURPRISE!
The public information officers from all three forces sent out identical press releases suggesting those who imbibe tonight avail themselves of ride services like Uber, Lyft or Curb.
Or how about showing cabbies some love, cheapos?
Funding for the saturation patrols comes from California Office of Traffic Safety grants to each department, through the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.