Apparently it's not such a small world after all. At least the people in it aren't. They are big fat asses. And because of that, Disneyland has closed the "It's a Small World" ride for renovations.
You see, this celebration of cultures set to mood music and dancing plastic dolls was designed in the golden age of 1964, back when the average person didn't weigh 200 pounds. And those spare tires with love handles on the side aren't as buoyant as you'd expect. In fact, these pounds we're packing cause the boats to bottom out, forcing the ride to come to a screeching halt. Cast members have had to come in and escort the plus-sized riders out through the nearest emergency exit, while simultaneously exposing them to public humiliation and ridicule. Read more about the ridicule here.
Now, because getting trapped in "It's A Small World," with that ear-bleeding song repeating over and over is nearly everyone's definition of hell, the kind folks at Disney have decided to replace the aging boats with more buoyant ones and dig the flume deeper to save us all from drowning ourselves in the rancid water. Thanks guys!
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The renovation is expected to complete in ten months. Meanwhile, Disney has strategically placed churro stands around the closed attraction. You know, to keep their audience happy.