Bum Luck


Nobody's been compiling a list, but we're confident that Orange County's Marcelino P. Castro owns the most expensive broken dildo in the world at $48,000.

How the married, 42-year-old janitor single-handedly converted a simple, mail-order dildo into an historic artifact is a painful tale that requires us to start at the very beginning.

Last February, Castro was elated when the sex toy he ordered arrived in the mail. This dildo had an attached handle so a user could manipulate its motion from different angles. Castro decided to pleasure himself. During the heat of passion, the handle broke off and the dildo became lodged deep in his rectum.

In similar circumstances, others might have seen a doctor immediately. But Castro slept overnight on his predicament and woke to launch himself on a course that guaranteed his private horror would spiral into a humiliating public spectacle.

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The next morning, Castro told his bosses, police, paramedics, firemen, state insurance investigators and later emergency room doctors that he'd been gang-raped at work by "two large dark men, probably Samoan."

He said he'd been cleaning an office bathroom the previous night when the rapists grabbed him, put a rope around his neck, placed a damp cloth over his mouth, yanked his pants down and sodomized him so vigorously that he passed out.

"When I woke up, I was alone in the restroom with my pants down to my knees," said Castro, who implied the Samoans must have inserted the dildo.

He was rushed to the ER, where doctors surgically removed the sex toy.

The possible return of the angry Samoans so alarmed the managers of Castro's office building that they spent $4,000 to change all the locks. Police investigators, too, took the complaint seriously—until they concluded the rape story was a piece of fiction. In August, police arrested Castro. He pleaded not guilty and was released on $50,000 bail.

The Weekly broke the story ("Das Booty"), which prompted Castro defense attorney Jeff Tatch to attack our report.

"I am ashamed that this piece of journalism was published with inaccurate information in it," said Tatch. He declined to be specific.

On Nov. 15, Castro—named one of Orange County's Scariest People in the Weekly's annual Halloween issue—confessed to four felony counts including falsifying insurance claims. Though he faced up to eight years in state prison, he'll report Jan. 12 to the Orange County Jail for a six-month sentence, serve five years' probation and pay $48,000 in restitution for wasting everyone's time. 



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