Bob Outs Himself!

Orange County's favorite bitter, defeated ex-Congressman Robert "B-1 Buttplay" Dornan once referred to political opponents as "lesbian spear-chuckers." The fiery redhead said he figured gays and lesbians chose to speak of "lesbian and gay pride" because it was a better term than "I'm a pervert and proud of it." And he's married to a woman who once uttered the immortal words, "Shut up, fag!"

So you could have knocked us over with a feathered tickler when Dornan revealed on the April 9 installment of CNN's The Spin Room that he absolutely loves the gays.

Now a right-wing radio-wave demagogue, Dornan appeared on the chat fest hosted by Bill Press and Tucker Carlson (portraying the tired, sarcastic progressive and fresh-faced, bow-tied conservative, respectively) to discuss the China standoff just hours before we kicked ricey Red butt with that carefully worded letter! U!S!A!!! U!S!A!!! U!S!A!!!

But The Spin Room topic later changed to what Dornan thought of George Dubya Bush appointing an openly gay man to run his AIDS office. Scott Evertz, a former member of a Log Cabin Club in Wisconsin, is the first openly gay Republican to serve in a Republican White House.

Keep in mind that Dornan once said of gays in Orange County's Log Cabin Club, "If a person is still living a lifestyle that is an offense to God, there's no room to recognize them in our party." But now he's got a new shtick: turns out he always championed AIDS funding while in office and has no problems with gays in his party, let alone the White House.

We should be used to Bob's hypocritical love/hate relationship with gays. After all, his longtime chief of staff, Brian Bennett, was (and still is) gay. And even in professing that he has no problems with gays, Dornan still can't help but mention that he has problems with gays. When Press pressed him about seeming to approve of gays in government service only in gay-related jobs, Dornan explained, "It's a scoutmaster thing. You don't put people . . . If you don't put men over girl scouts, then you don't put men over people that they're sexually attracted to."

His other reason for restricting the high places in which gays can serve? "A guy who is an adulterer, an alcoholic, or anything hidden—anything in the closet," Dornan said, "can't get a national security clearance, I believe, because he's blackmailable."

While we hunted in vain for "blackmailable" in the same dictionary from which Dornan once claimed homosexuals "stole" the word "gay," he admitted to having another "hang-up."

"Five hundred thousand young American male homosexuals have died of AIDS," he said. "Many of them talented artists. How do you call that happy, mirthful, cheerful, 'gay'? It's an adjective for happiness. It's a tortured lifestyle. My heart goes out to them; I pray to them. And I have lots of acquaintances, and I have hugged several people that died of AIDS a few days later—houseboys that worked for my aunt. So there's no animosity on my part. It's just if you want to help people, you don't call them happy, cheerful, mirthful, 'gay' when 500,000 are dead of AIDS."

Uh, gotcha, Bob. So, exactly how many of your auntie's houseboys did you hug, big boy?

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