Blinded By the Light

Bob Aul

You were the lady at the Alice Cooper concert at the Segerstrom Center for the Arts. You were in the front row of the top balcony, and you had a REALLY high-powered flashlight. I'm sorry the lady in the loge section BELOW us was enjoying herself so much that she stood up, therefore blocking your daughter's ability to (illegally) record the concert on her iPad, thereby forcing you to flash that ridiculous light of yours on her until she sat down—particularly after you arrived an hour late and had to flash that thing over everyone else's seat numbers, frequently rechecking your ticket, until you found your own seat. But what I REALLY regret is that the music was so loud you didn't hear me offer to stick that flashlight up your ass. And to you, dear lady who was standing: Thank you SO much for not only refusing to sit down during the final encore, but also turning and SINGING INTO THE LIGHT! I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard at a rock concert.

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