!Ay! !Mi Estomago!

Photo by Tenaya HillsOne reason to let your small intestine lead you south of the border. Aaah, Mexico (pronounced Meh-jee-co, as per Orange County Register): nothing's cooler this time of year. And by cooler, I mean hotter—sunnier, lazier, cheaper, funner. They have so many things that we don't: legal steroids, cheap drugs, zebras that are donkeys with painted-on stripes, children selling fake Chiclets, children begging, stray dogs, diseased stray dogs, crappy "handmade" leather wallets, U.S. Customs agents at the border, ugly Americans with open-toed sandals displaying the nastiest feet this side of The Return of the King, shot glasses with dice that should be on sale in Vegas, guys blowing on whistles as they absolutely pour tequila down your hatch, prescription meds, cheap booze and perfume 'cause there's no tax but you pay almost as much, round-heeled sorority girls/fraternity boys, cockroaches this big, raw sewage, unprecedented access to raw sewage, lame tourist tours, goat-spin soup, desperation, car upholstery, pirated T-shirts like the MisterHard shirt that's a take-off of the MasterCard logo and reads "Accepted by women around the world." For a great lobster experience head down to Puerto Nueva. The employees stand in the street, vying for your business, offering free parking, margaritas, beers, and better prices. For $10-$16, you can get a whole lobster, tortillas, rice and beans, and wash it all down with a nice Negro Modelo for $2.

Puerto Nuevo is a clearly marked village on the Old Road, 10 minutes south of downtown Rosarito. Take the Rosarito-Ensenada toll road to the Puerto Nuevo turnoff at kilometer 49. Turn left onto the Old Road and continue south a short distance to the village, which will be on your right. It is exactly 10 miles from Rosarito's southern toll gate.

Photographer: Tenaya Hills

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