!Ask a Mexican!

Dear Mexican,
How does it feel to be known as America's new niggers?
Mami, el Negro Está Rabioso

Dear Gabacho,
Look, just because Vicente Fox says something about Mexicans doesn't make it true. On May 13, Mexico's presidentetold a group of businessmen, "There's no doubt that the Mexican men and women—full of dignity, willpower and a capacity for work—are doing the work that not even blacks want to do in the United States." African-American leaders rightly criticized Fox, who quickly apologized. But assuming that the words of the pendejo-in-chiefreflect the sentiments of his people is like figuring all Americans are maladroits because Dubya runs the White House. Mexicans might be America's new underclass, the ethnic group that other minorities spit upon (Guatemalans: you're next!), but toiling in the fields and factories can never compare to shackles and Soul Plane.Fox's May 13 comments are reflective of his disastrous administration, which is the ultimate reason Mexicans continue to abandon their patriain droves—after all, who wants an inept leader like that? If only Americans were as smart . . .

Dear Mexican,
What is the deal with Mexicans and Tweety Bird? I don't understand why Tweety is so appealing to Mexicans and shows up on their trucks, cars and tattoos. Was it because the Tasmanian Devil was taken by dumb rednecks?
Speedy González

Dear Pocho,
You've got the wrong cartoon character, Speedy—we prefer to decorate our automobiles with Calvin, of the legendary comic strip "Calvin and Hobbes," pissing on something. Anything. A Ford decal. A Chevy decal. A Mexican soccer league team. A baseball team. The words "La Migra." The letters "INS." The American flag—kidding! But really, anything. The Pissing Calvin phenomenon is so big that "Calvin and Hobbes" creator Bill Watterson has contemplated suing anyone who reproduces his character—and there's no better place to start than your local swap meet, where vendors stock multiple Pissing Calvins. Why the Mexican love for Pissing Calvin? Simple: clothing. Calvin's baggy striped shirt, baggy shorts, immaculate white sneakers and spiky hair are the get-up of thousands of Mexican junior high boys. Pasting him on our automobiles is a not-so-subtle reminder to our chamacoshow to dress. That's a step up from their papi'stejana, pro-wrestling-style belt buckle and silk shirts threaded with an image of the Virgin of Guadalupe, ¿qué no?

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican atGARELLANO@OCWEEKLY.COM. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym,por favor, or we'll make one up for you!

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