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  • Article

    A Is For Ass-Kicking, D Is For Duh

    Illustration by Bob AulYou were with your boyfriend at a Newport Beach bar last Friday. Every time I looked your way, you were looking at me. When your boyfriend left for a moment, you stared at me for so long I thought you might be hypnotized. It w...

    by ANONYMOUS on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Parts Is Parts - Were all just meat. If only it were that easy

    I have a friend who did the cyberdatingthing and connected with a guy on the East Coast who was her evident soul mate. Internet intimacy would seem particularly suited for the soul mate thing, wouldn't it? It's all text--words, ideas and feelings. I...

    by JIM WASHBURN on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    This Week in Super Pies

    Do the world a favor: DON'T order a delivery pizza this Super Bowl weekend. Don't support Domino's and its former kooky Catholic president, Tom Monaghan. Don't take advantage of the specials currently offered by Pizza Hut, part of the Taco Bell Evil...

    by GUSTAVO ARELLANO on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Nancy Puebla Restaurant

    Photo by Matt OttoAt first visit, Nancy Puebla Restaurant in Santa Ana seems no different from every Mexican restaurant you've ever visited. A Virgin of Guadalupe altar guards the entrance, and a bucolic mural spans most of the restaurant's length. ...

    on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    The Envelopes, Please - For your drooling pleasure, OCs sexiest people!

    Von Teese and Heraldez by Tenaya Hills. Jason Bateman courtesy Gavin Bond/FoxYou know, I've been awfully busy lately. Not with work particularly, or mothering my small buttercup of a son, or bettering myself through extensive reading of my Bible a...

    by REBECCA SCHOENKOPF on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    The Bra Whisperer - OC Weeklys Kristine Brooks can guess your size in one glance

    I have had sex. This is key. I have had sexand offer as proof my two children, which is not to say I have had sex only twice--though I'm not exactly not saying I have had sex only twice since having two kids--but this is beside the point. The point ...

    by Steve Lowery on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    You Cant Count On Me - As homeless gather for census dinner, county officials are out to lunch

    Photo by Jack GouldOn the rainy afternoon of Jan. 26, Sharonshowed up at Santa Ana's Civic Center Plaza three hours early. A homeless woman with no belongings save a windbreaker, wool ski cap and tie-dye scarf, she had heard the local Catholic Worke...

    by Nick Schou on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Girls Gone Not So Wild - Debunking the Playboy-OCC urban legend

    Orange Coast College's spring semesterstarted this week, so its male students will once again share seats with female scholars who are hot: heaven in flip-flops and peekaboo thongs, with tanned bellies and breasts, wearing skimpy clothes whether the...

    by GUSTAVO ARELLANO on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    !Ask a Mexican!

    Illustration by Mark DancyDear Mexican, Why are Mexicans always selling oranges on street corners? Is that like the national fruit of Mexico? A. Hot Tamale Dear Gabacha, What do you want them to sell--Steinways? Oranges are easy to carry, in...

    by GUSTAVO ARELLANO on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    All The Councilmans Men - Nestande joins other slimy ex-politicos in Larry Agrans inner circle

    photo by Jack GouldWhen the city of Irvine recently hiredvociferous Great Park critic Bruce Nestande as a Great Park consultant, people wondered: Does the appointment give Nestande, the longtime advocate for an international airport in Irvine, insid...

    by R. Scott Moxley on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Letters

    Letters may be edited for clarity and length. E-mail to letters@ocweekly.com, or send to Letters to the Editor, c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701. Or fax to (714) 550-5908. KIDS It was commendable of Greg Stacy to wr...

    on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Of Ass and Men

    I once had a football coach who told me and a bunch of naked teenage boys that "Opinions are like asses. Everyone has one, and they all stink." Now, that's not what he said, and I'm not sure we were all naked; the point is Chris Ziegler is a dick. A...

    by NOT Chris Ziegler on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    My Favorite Organ: The Liver

    I got a certain spot I like to look at when I meet a girl, if I meet her in a bar, which is where I meet all the best girls. It's a little under the tits, over the hips, right above the intestines--nice and soft? Good, good. No unexpected deposits o...

    by BERNARD BERLINER on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Vagina

    Our common practice of referring to the entirety of the female genital structure as "the vagina" is indicative of the difficulty we have in dealing with the pussy itself. The vagina and the surrounding fleshy bits (more accurately, we're discussing ...

    by KATE CARRAWAY on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Facial Hair of the Gods? - On The Mexican Mustache

    I am not well-endowed--not even close. I need braces, a personal trainer and LASIK. But none of this matters--I can grow a mustache. It sprouts almost from the instant I shave in the morning, becomes a five-o'clock shadow around noon, and transfor...

    on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    The Foreskin: An Appreciation

    While a good-quality product is a good-quality product no matter how it's packaged, it is a definite bonus when an unfamiliar penis reveals itself to be shrouded in a skin afghan. The controversial foreskin is perhaps the only real wild card in the ...

    by KATE CARRAWAY on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Verily, the Scrot

    Through nearly a half-century of intensive, firsthand study and application, I've come to consider myself an authority on the art of repulsing fellow human beings with my body, and of all the parts from which to glean junior hijinks gratification, t...

    by BUDDY SEIGAL on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    Goose Flesh

    The sexiest girl I've seen in a solid year was the impossibly Maria Shriver-skinny rail/giraffe in a teeny, weensy white bikini at last year's Action Sports Retailer show. She was a blonde with big, blue eyes, slender-limbed--seemingly jointless--...

    by RILEY JACKSON on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    The Seamy Side of Life - Legs in seamed stockings start a four-alarm firein my heart. Where were you thinking?

    Most of my friends are conservationists at heart. Not conservationists of the tree-hugging variety, but preservationists of the way we lived. Our mania manifests itself mainly in stuff because stuff is easy to define: hot rods and custom cars, vin...

    by THEO DOUGLAS on February 3, 2005
  • Article

    The Nip Slip

    Thanks, no doubt, in part to her apparent distaste for donning shoes inside public restrooms, the once-rapt attention paid to the size of Britney Spears' bazoongas seems to have all but vanished from the minds of both Us readers and Colin Farrell al...

    by ELLEN GRILEY on February 3, 2005
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