Animal Uprising in Long Beach

Crazy animals have begun invading Long Beach by sea and land.

Yesterday, a six-foot female blue shark was spotted swimming in circles near docked boats at the Marina Pacifica. The shark was in good health except a for a fishing hook and line hanging from its mouth. Marine workers were forced to scoop up the shark with a giant net and release it back into the ocean before it could confuse any innocent byswimmers. No rescue workers were harmed in the transportation process.

The revolt continued today when a Great Dane attacked a park ranger in Los Cerritos Park. The park ranger became entangled in the rabid beast's retractable leash after the dog escaped its owner. The four-legged mutt then proceeded to drag the ranger through a section of the park, inflicting minor leash burns and a brief bout of hysteria. The ranger is expected to make a full recovery.

It is uncertain whether the animals plan to consume us or simply enslave us. But one thing is certain: The animals will soon take over.


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